Seeking some advice

Hi, i'm after some advice before i decide to call time on my marriage. My husband hsa autism and ADHD/ADD. He is a professional and manages his work load well, has routines in place to deal with his worklife. I know he has had some issues previously with his communication, but he is very insular and doesn't talk about this, and i know when he will make a mention or he is nasty. He isn't affectionate, and doesn't really seem to care about anything other than his agenda. we have 2 children, neither are neuro diverse, and he can be playful one minute and then really shouting at them the next. He has ideas about what they should and shouldn't be doing, but he will do the complete opposite of what he is preaching, and he can't see that he needs to lead by example. He really struggles to acknowledge that he has autism, unless it suits him, but will use his ADHD/ADD diagnosis regularly. Examples of this are when he starts one thing then anpother and another, and can't do anything to the finish. He is easily distracted, and i give him time, but his communication both verbal and non verbal are really starting to impact me negatively He says he wants to improve our relationship, will try for a couple of days and then reverts back. I don't know how to broach this with him, i can be having a laugh with him one day and when i say something similar to what we have been laughing about he gets nasty. I just don't know what to do. He has some great traits, he can put his hand to anything, he has a lot of interests, but he is selfish, absorbed, untidy and hsa pre conceived ideas that i should be doing all the housework, childcare etc as well as working a demanding job.