Is it okay to feel this way?

Of course, I can't say what's OK for you. I've come to realise that it was very much NOT OK for me. In fact I could make the case that my mental health problems over the years were not fuelled by autism but by the pressure, largely internal, to conform to being normal. That's seems to be a driver of my depression even today, and I see the depression ease when I stop giving a stuff about other people and just accept that I am different and am OK. Obviously I can't go through life like that either, without causing problems, but it's important for me to have that safe place.

Of course, I can't say what's OK for you. I've come to realise that it was very much NOT OK for me. In fact I could make the case that my mental health problems over the years were not fuelled by autism but by the pressure, largely internal, to conform to being normal. That's seems to be a driver of my depression even today, and I see the depression ease when I stop giving a stuff about other people and just accept that I am different and am OK. Obviously I can't go through life like that either, without causing problems, but it's important for me to have that safe place.