Struggling to Accept being an Autistic Adult

Hello. This is my first post, nice to meet you.

I just want a space to let out some feelings. Life hasn’t been too kind recently, and unfortunately being Autistic hasn’t made it any easier. Maybe if someone’s had similar experiences, it would be nice to hear some re-assurance that things are ok, and will get better.

My backstory is somewhat different to my peers I know in person. I was diagnosed young, and because of my situation EVERYONE knew, and because children are mean, I was expected to push aside and mask my autism (even if it was done very badly). However I was one of the “smart kids” so during my education I never got help because I’m doing well in school, despite really struggling socially or with other issues such as sensory issues (especially with food). I guess because of my background, I always struggled accepting I am autistic, even now it’s only something I mention to other autistics or people who I feel close to.

However, now I’m an adult, I’m starting to feel like I don’t belong. And it feels like be being autistic is coming up more than I thought it would, so now I’m like- “what do I do, how do I navigate this?!” And even though I have gotten better at accepting myself, I still feel like I’m in a constant fight where I’m like “nobody must know you’re autistic, you’re Miss Neurotypical!”, and “Hey I should really talk to someone to get some help”.

I think part of that is struggling to find a local community. I have my partner and his family are nice, however I’ve struggled to make local friends with whom I can hang out with. Normally I’ve been in a place of education where you make friends through there. However any people I have met though work live “too far to travel” (their words), and trying to find social groups that fit in with my availability feels like an uphill battle. I think part of it is because I have a lot of hobbies that are either niche, or tend to be liked by older people. So I’m either needing to travel to attend, or because “Old people are interested in this” it ends up in a Monday morning whilst I’m going to work. A bonus issue is that I’m a contract worker and jump around from job to job a lot, so even if I do make friends it feels like it’s only for the time I’m working there. It also affects my ability to go to social groups as depending on where I’m located or what my hours are, decides what’s available to me or not. So many connections feel temporary at best.

Another issue I have, is with food sensitivity. I struggle a lot with food, which impacts both my health as well as how I feel with others. I’ve had issues where people infantilise me (even as an adult) so it’s something I’m very shy about and try to hide. Even if it makes me unwell. Often I find going out to eat can be stressful as I need to ensure that there’s something on the menu that I will eat. Then depending on the group of people I have to deal with questions like “why aren’t you eating this thing” “why don’t you like this”. And I either stuffer through it, or try to pull an excuse which doesn’t work as they ask me the next time I see them. On top of that I’ve been told I need to loose weight but its a struggle to let healthcare professionals know, hey I’m autistic, I can’t just change my diet overnight. I remember last time I was talking to the dietician I was excited to tell her about some solutions I found that worked for me only to be told. “This is bad because you should be doing this thing instead” “I know you mentioned in our last session this food makes you feel unwell, but have you tried this food?”.

Finally I feel like I’m struggling to fit in at work. As I mentioned I’m a contract worker so my work situation changes every few months/ every year. I tried it and it turns out I didn’t like it which is fine. I struggle with having to go to a new place, get settled in, meet a bunch of new people, try to explain things like my sensory issues to them, deal with a new routine, get stressed because things are changing, start a new job, get stressed depending on what “support” they have in the work place, rinse and repeat. I am trying to find something that better suits my needs, but as I already have a foot in my current industry, usually I end up being pulled back in. I feel like I’m slowly seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, however I am not coping well.

For me, one of the biggest issues I’m having is finding somewhere where I can talk to and feel like I’m getting support as an autistic adult. As I mentioned, finding groups can be hard as they don’t tend to fit in with a working schedule, and in terms of support it feels like a lot of it is geared towards people with different needs to me (for example, services helping kids with autism, opposed to grumpy autistic people in their late 20’s). And trying to get help feels somewhat pointless as the amount of times I’ve been told “you’re autistic, it’s just a part of that” and get dismissed is not helpful in the slightest.

Is anyone else struggling, or has struggled with stuff like this?