Will I ever work again?

I don't expect an answer to that question. It's not a real question: just one that I ask myself. I can probably answer it myself, so don't particularly want advice.

My last period of employment was so horrible that I retired early (i.e. left without a job to go to) having been on long-term sick leave. Since then I've not been able to contemplate going back into the lions' den (paid employment). The thought of having to show up for work every day and deal with people (well-meaning or not) is something I can't face. Working from home wasn't great either, because it fostered my natural tendency to isolate myself from others. Ugh!

If organisations made genuine efforts to adapt to people with autism I might contemplate it, but which organisation genuinely does this? I had SO many issues, in my last employment.

Open plan noisy offices were the worst. Generally I couldn't focus so couldn't get on with any work. On the rare occasions I could focus on my work, I'd be dragged away by office chat and then find it hard to get back in the zone. I'm either in it or out of it. My most productive job: in an office as one of four computer programmers who rarely spoke to each other.

Hot desking! Turning up at work, never knowing if you were going to find a suitable working environment. Bleurgh!

Then there were the unhelpful employment practices that I experienced, particularly in the last few years. The last organisation I worked for got rid of fixed job descriptions as they are normally understood. There was a generic fixed "job description" which didn't say very much at all, as it was couched in such broad terms, and was applied to many different people in very different roles. Then, on top of that, there was a description of your particular role, which was more like a traditional job description but didn't form part of the contract of employment, so could be changed at the employer's whim. The result of this: never ending changes which were beyond my control. Utterly traumatic! I found myself forced into roles that weren't suitable, eventually manage to manoeuvre myself into something less unmanageable, only to find the rug pulled out from under me again. Personally I find it hard to think of a worse arrangement for autistic people. I hadn't considered that I might be autistic then; now that I suspect I am, it's no wonder I had such difficulties.

Oh well. I'm not sure how I'm going to fill the rest of my life, because it's not worked out so well up till now. End of rant.