Published on 12, July, 2020
At the prompting from another post I wondered if anyone else was interested in a thread about living with a partner on the spectrum and having a child/children on with ASD too.
I had always suspected my partner was on the spectrum even when I first met him..but it wasn't an issue for us until our children arrived. We accepted the differences and his strengths covered my weaknesses and vice versa.
I became very ill through pregnancy and during a traumatic birth our twins arrived and they too had/have many health issues. As mine and the childrens health became a big issue my partner struggled to cope..eventually overloading into depression. He seemed at times to care more about our dogs than the family as a whole..but I understand this better now.
Around this time my children were starting school and one son has had serious issues with behaviour and a year down the line is still struggling to 'fit'. So both my guys are awaiting the lengthy assessment process. I often wonder whether I am 'doing the right thing' pushing for dx but I cannot see any other route to get the school to act in a more appropriate way to help my son realise his potential.
As DS is very bright and achieving academically the feeling is the problems 'must lie at home'. Factor into this my partners social problems and the finger repeatedly 'points his way'..eg..they think he is the issue and I am 'cowed' by him because they do not understand his fixed expression and see it as arrogant or aloofness. This is such a joke.
SO it almost feels like we are 'clearing our name' by trying to prove there is a genetic factor in play here..my partner had the exact same issues with school as DS is having..and seemingly so did his Dad too. It's like a whole can of misunderstandings is surfacing after years in the wilderness.
I in the meantime am treading a line precariously in trying to understand how to help my son and partner cope with the stresses of life and the confusing social aspects they find themselves flung into...I screw up a lot..but I also get it right too sometimes..which always pleasantly surprises us all.
I know there must be others out there who have a partner and children on the spectrum and would love to learn from their experiences.
Kind regards
x
Hi there,
For some reason my posts haven't been sending. I'll try again - It would help me to describe an odd day I had last weekend. I am constantly being tripped up by the various threads of confusing behaviour and responses which come from all angles.
One of the areas which has been badly affected by all that has gone on is my parents' relationship with our boys. They really struggle to understand the emotional responses (Or lack of them) and can't hide their sadness and frustration which of course transfers to the boys and fuels the whole sense of despondency.
Last Saturday my mum had called to say she ould like to take F (The eldest, and most challenging) to an event in the city. There would be bands playing,big crowds and she offered to take him for a pizza. I imagine this would be an exciting prospect for a neurotypical child, but of course for F it was definitely not.
I decided I would go too, to help make it happen a little easier. I didn't give him an option and prepared him well, clearly describing what would happen in fine detail. What bus we would get, what time we would get it /come back etc etc. I didn't get my own hopes up, and felt quite proud of myself for actually being able to anticipate all the difficulties. Not long ago I was the one who would be feeling frustrated and despondant.
I'll send this bit now, just in case it won't go...