Published on 12, July, 2020
At the prompting from another post I wondered if anyone else was interested in a thread about living with a partner on the spectrum and having a child/children on with ASD too.
I had always suspected my partner was on the spectrum even when I first met him..but it wasn't an issue for us until our children arrived. We accepted the differences and his strengths covered my weaknesses and vice versa.
I became very ill through pregnancy and during a traumatic birth our twins arrived and they too had/have many health issues. As mine and the childrens health became a big issue my partner struggled to cope..eventually overloading into depression. He seemed at times to care more about our dogs than the family as a whole..but I understand this better now.
Around this time my children were starting school and one son has had serious issues with behaviour and a year down the line is still struggling to 'fit'. So both my guys are awaiting the lengthy assessment process. I often wonder whether I am 'doing the right thing' pushing for dx but I cannot see any other route to get the school to act in a more appropriate way to help my son realise his potential.
As DS is very bright and achieving academically the feeling is the problems 'must lie at home'. Factor into this my partners social problems and the finger repeatedly 'points his way'..eg..they think he is the issue and I am 'cowed' by him because they do not understand his fixed expression and see it as arrogant or aloofness. This is such a joke.
SO it almost feels like we are 'clearing our name' by trying to prove there is a genetic factor in play here..my partner had the exact same issues with school as DS is having..and seemingly so did his Dad too. It's like a whole can of misunderstandings is surfacing after years in the wilderness.
I in the meantime am treading a line precariously in trying to understand how to help my son and partner cope with the stresses of life and the confusing social aspects they find themselves flung into...I screw up a lot..but I also get it right too sometimes..which always pleasantly surprises us all.
I know there must be others out there who have a partner and children on the spectrum and would love to learn from their experiences.
Kind regards
x
@ Jengar..yes I am a very open and honest person too by nature but I am learning to temper my words more with certain 'profesionals'. Especially one who suggested there was mental cruelty towards me...for heavens sake ..if you met me that is such a blooming joke.
Your lives sound so interesting, traveling etc...but I relate to the loneliness of 2 small children and you..I also have the dilema with other kids coming round and how much my son and partner can cope with.
B amazes me in how he manages to just accept things and be comfortable in his own skin. He read about it..light bulb moment..then wanted to tell everyone..he did so..including his boss..which scared the beejeebers outa me..but B is such a good worker and no one really knew what he was on about at work so they have just put it down to 'one of B's 'strange ways/jokes'. Bless him, he's like a child one minute and a very mature adult with huge insight the next..depending on the subject matter.
The contradictions are endless. Keep posting as I love to hear about your life. I think I need to work on my social skills now and get out and about more..I now know B won't mind..he just won't want to always come along!
xxx