Published on 12, July, 2020
At the prompting from another post I wondered if anyone else was interested in a thread about living with a partner on the spectrum and having a child/children on with ASD too.
I had always suspected my partner was on the spectrum even when I first met him..but it wasn't an issue for us until our children arrived. We accepted the differences and his strengths covered my weaknesses and vice versa.
I became very ill through pregnancy and during a traumatic birth our twins arrived and they too had/have many health issues. As mine and the childrens health became a big issue my partner struggled to cope..eventually overloading into depression. He seemed at times to care more about our dogs than the family as a whole..but I understand this better now.
Around this time my children were starting school and one son has had serious issues with behaviour and a year down the line is still struggling to 'fit'. So both my guys are awaiting the lengthy assessment process. I often wonder whether I am 'doing the right thing' pushing for dx but I cannot see any other route to get the school to act in a more appropriate way to help my son realise his potential.
As DS is very bright and achieving academically the feeling is the problems 'must lie at home'. Factor into this my partners social problems and the finger repeatedly 'points his way'..eg..they think he is the issue and I am 'cowed' by him because they do not understand his fixed expression and see it as arrogant or aloofness. This is such a joke.
SO it almost feels like we are 'clearing our name' by trying to prove there is a genetic factor in play here..my partner had the exact same issues with school as DS is having..and seemingly so did his Dad too. It's like a whole can of misunderstandings is surfacing after years in the wilderness.
I in the meantime am treading a line precariously in trying to understand how to help my son and partner cope with the stresses of life and the confusing social aspects they find themselves flung into...I screw up a lot..but I also get it right too sometimes..which always pleasantly surprises us all.
I know there must be others out there who have a partner and children on the spectrum and would love to learn from their experiences.
Kind regards
x
Hi there,
I just read the NAS responses, which I understand also. No probs - We can keep writing, I guess I find it quite tricky to find a time and place to get a good 'flow' going if you know what I mean - There is always so much to say.
Glad you found a something which has helped your son, and more specifically something he recognises as helpful and can relate to. For years we battled to find ways of helping our boy understand what was and was not ok. He couldn't work it out for himself and we couldn't do it for him. It was such a challenging situation.
Now we have a points system which covers every second of his day and accomodates for thoughts, feelings and everything in between. In fact we relate to our children through points and they love it! So simple in some ways - It seems that once you find the things which do work, progress can really happen quickly.
CAMHS told us that the damage done would take many years to correct. Certainly with the advice they gave us it would...
Jenny