Published on 12, July, 2020
How do you cope with the massively overthinking and panicking after speaking to people?! I much prefer in person connection rather than online (ironically lol) but when I speak to people it comes out the wrong way, I accidentally probably offend people without meaning to, I overthink and overthink and overthink every single thing I said and wishing I hadn’t said it and wishing I hadn’t opened my mouth and hating myself so much and feeling so embarrassed and just wishing the ground would swallow me hole. I just hate myself. When I talk, it never comes out how I mean for it to. Or people misunderstand, or often I end up skipping loads of context out of what I say because I have half the conversation in my head not realising I haven’t said it out loud so people do not have context and therefore it can come out in the wrong way. I just want to hide. For the most part I love being autistic and my most authentic autistic self but in moments like this I just wish I wasn’t like this. I wish my brain would not overthink and panic to the extent it is. I feel like crying all because of one tiny comment I made which I am panicking came across in the wrong way. When in reality I don’t even know if anyone misinterpreted it in the way that I think they may have done. They probably aren’t even thinking about it. Yet I cannot sleep because of it.
Does anyone else get this? I feel so terrible about myself. I am trying so hard to rationalise and mentally talk to myself about how no one probably is even thinking about it or even noticed anything but it is not helping to calm me down. Sometimes I wish I just went back to not speaking like I was before I unmasked. It’s like now I am completely unmasked I cannot and do not know how to go back to masking. I feel ashamed,
Yes, and the only cure is practice without apology:
Keep talking with people, all kinds and don't take anything personally, just have the exchange, note how it went without blame or shame. it's an ephemeral thing. Complements on nails, hair, shoes, shirts are always good openers. Most people love to talk about themselves.
Look for patterns and the variables, like an objective observer. study the phenomenon.
Only one rule - there are no rules. no wrong way, no matter if someone even says it's the wrong way. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
When you speak and there is silence afterwards, don't hesitate to mention the last thing another person in the group said. then go back to that subject with a question about that subject.. let them take the floor. and all is well.
When they say something obs wrong to prove a personal point just say "as you like" and nod, no need to correct. They wil forget they said it 5 minutes later.
I say 'as you like", and helps me remember everyone has a style and way of being whoever they are at the moment, which often includes divergence from observational truth.
Talking to ND people is another kettle o' fish. No prob there for you I hope.
On replay in your head - remember that the others in the conversation will not remember most of it outside of some small nugget they can use as an anecdote later in yet another conversation - and that they will often change to suit the occasion as well.
In short, in my experience, when many NT persons converse in "small" talk, or even, "serious" subjects, they are scrap-booking.
Thank you for your response and wisdom. I will keep these in mind.