Published on 12, July, 2020
How do you cope with the massively overthinking and panicking after speaking to people?! I much prefer in person connection rather than online (ironically lol) but when I speak to people it comes out the wrong way, I accidentally probably offend people without meaning to, I overthink and overthink and overthink every single thing I said and wishing I hadn’t said it and wishing I hadn’t opened my mouth and hating myself so much and feeling so embarrassed and just wishing the ground would swallow me hole. I just hate myself. When I talk, it never comes out how I mean for it to. Or people misunderstand, or often I end up skipping loads of context out of what I say because I have half the conversation in my head not realising I haven’t said it out loud so people do not have context and therefore it can come out in the wrong way. I just want to hide. For the most part I love being autistic and my most authentic autistic self but in moments like this I just wish I wasn’t like this. I wish my brain would not overthink and panic to the extent it is. I feel like crying all because of one tiny comment I made which I am panicking came across in the wrong way. When in reality I don’t even know if anyone misinterpreted it in the way that I think they may have done. They probably aren’t even thinking about it. Yet I cannot sleep because of it.
Does anyone else get this? I feel so terrible about myself. I am trying so hard to rationalise and mentally talk to myself about how no one probably is even thinking about it or even noticed anything but it is not helping to calm me down. Sometimes I wish I just went back to not speaking like I was before I unmasked. It’s like now I am completely unmasked I cannot and do not know how to go back to masking. I feel ashamed,
Yes, I’m with you! I don’t like it happening. But I don’t hate myself for it and neither should you. When I realise I’m doing it, I tell myself (out loud, if I’m alone) to Stop it! or Enough! Then I try to focus on things that will make me calm or things that have made me calm/happy in the past. For me, that’s usually a nature experience. I visualise that and try to get back into the moment and focus on now. If I’m trying to sleep, I focus on my breathing and sometimes use a Sleep meditation app. Awkward moments come back to me that happened years ago as well as last month or yesterday. My tip would be to accept it happens and find ways to refocus.
Thank you for your reply and words of advice. I’ll keep these in mind for future!