Published on 12, July, 2020
During my autism assessment, the psychiatrist said that although my autism affects many aspects of my life, I was still able to communicate to her well and therefore only had it “mild”. I understand that I have low support needs and that other autistic people have different or more extreme struggles and need more support, but I was masking a lot in the assessment in order to answer the questions as clearly as possible, which completely exhausted me and impacted how I felt over the next couple of days. As Keedie said in the TV show “A kind of spark”, her autism only seems mild because ‘we make it so, at a great personal cost’. Autism has a huge impact on my life, even if no one else can see it, and especially if I’m purposefully changing my behaviour to fit in or adapt to other people. Just because it seems mild to you doesn’t mean it actually is to me. I feel like this is why the terms “high functioning” and “low functioning” are being used less in favour of “support needs” which I feel is more accurate and less diminishing of autistic people’s struggles. I’d be interested to know other people’s opinions too as I know some people don’t mind the word “mild”!
Me too. I prefer to look at it as either autistic or not (after all your brain is either wired this way or it's not). Every autistic person is different, so the impact of this wiring is different depending on so many factors. It's like saying I have arthritis - there are different kinds, some are worsened by diet, some by activity, but we don't get into arguments about how severe the arthritis is.Yes, they separate osteo and rheumatoid for medical reasons, but that is more to do with the biological cause rather than the impact it has on your life. We don't argue about how much pain we are in because of arthritis... but for autism we seem to buy into the need to label things, which I resist. Some days I can integrate into society OK, other days I need to be home with no outside contact (phone/internet/etc.). I am not denying that I am different to someone who is unable to communicate verbally due to their autism - but that's what it is, it's a difference.
As a child I wasn't really 'allowed' to be myself, so I had to learn to provide what was expected. It did harm but it also did good, it has made me independent and determined to learn. I'm just not always sure my motives for doing things - am I just trying to fit in, or is this really what I think?
I think every human has the potential to achieve what they want, albeit maybe in a different form. I know I'm not going to be a ballerina, but I can enjoy watching ballet and drawing the scenes/figures.