My life is falling apart

I am currently working with my doctor to diagnose my Autism, this is all new to me, but it has started to make my life crumble into pieces, I have been at this job for almost 1.5 years and receiving actual training at this job is dependent on individual foreman's but I had my last foreman give me a really hard time saying I didn't meet his expectations, i could feel that he was experiencing anger but i didn't understand why, I thought he was a friend, he would say things that I interpreted as talking to a friend but yield no hard feelings, but i guess i missed those parts, so long story short, the communication breakdown was TERRIBLE, he didn't get me at all it turns out, and from what i can tell in hindsight is that any time he would give one of his "warnings" I didn't see it as such, and when i would communicate back, the intent of my words did not match up with his perception, I thought things were good, but as it turns out, he calls our superintendent, and further sends the miscommunication he experienced as something it was not, as something negative, I still feel really confused thinking about it, it really hurts me as I thought he was a new friend, not just my current foreman, then today when I'm on another crew this cycle, I'm experiencing callback to whatever that last foreman had said, and I'm just here feeling stunned, like wait, what's going on? thinking my current foreman talking me aside and having a 1 on 1 about things "I don't know how to do, but should know already" so I'm thinking, it was something recent, as in the past few days, so my Superintendent calls me today after shift and just lays into me saying if i want to keep my job, i need to shape up, and how new hires are rising in the ranks faster then I am, like what? where is this coming from, i was in shock, I have already been dealing with so much as of late, that this, the uncertainty of even having my current job now, could be enough to send me over the edge, i am under so much stress that I didn't even know if i was going to make it last night, let alone after that phone call, i just feel totally AMBUSHED, and like somebody did me wrong, it's BAD ENOUGH i have to experience being misunderstood 99.5% of the time, now I'm told i need to shape up? what does that even mean, these people are so rude, the damn assumption that i understand what they are saying is mind blowing to me, if i ever say i don't understand what they are saying to me, all of a sudden I'm stupid or retarded, it's honestly not my fault I'm not like them, i already struggle HEAVILY with Internalized Ableism, I don't need this in my life, especially right now when I'm having huge financial problems, this is enough to make a man want to kill himself, I already get enough flak at home from my significant other, she gets mad at my behaviors and reactions as she interprets them as something different, i am misunderstood in nearly all areas of my life and I'm sick of it, I run my body and my mind into the damn ground for this company, I actually care about the work and helping my co-workers when I can, then they tell me I 'am a know-it-all that doesn't know how to do anything? I am flabbergasted or something right now, I can't even comprehend what is going through everyone else' head, they 100% speak another language and maybe I'm just not made for this world, everything seems to be pointing in that direction, those people have NO IDEA how GOOD they have it, I'm pissed that I am this way, and the worst part is, I mask well, so lucky me right, and then in the back of my mind, I believe that if people actually understood me, no one would have a reason to be upset with me, i put in a lot of effort to help people, and being labelled as having "bad work ethic" that just about skinned me alive in that moment, I was so angry in that moment, like, are you serious right now? do you have any idea what I put my body through just to be able to perform this job? way to discredit the 5 years of aging my body went through in just 1.5 years, I wish i was kidding, I put my body through hell for this job, i sacrifice for this job, being away from home and my fiancé, it's been so damn hard on me to be here that I nearly ended myself several times, I feel so unappreciated at my job here now, I am deeply saddened by this, and I feel like there is NOTHING i can say or do to fix this ~whatever this is, I am nearly unable to advocate for myself, I freeze up, shut down and my mind goes blank, I just can't function when I feel like I'm being harassed, or targeted unfairly for being different then they are, or being misunderstood, that's the reason I hate drama, i can't compete with their politics like that, it's a total waste of time for me to even try, they just feel like they drive their point in even more and then they feel justified, but they really just don't understand me, and it's all just a big misunderstanding, I simply can't speak their "Neurotypical language" it's horrible and I really don't want to be here anymore now, but I'm broke, and I need this money to survive, so I have to continue to endure(like I always tell myself), I already work my hardest to try to make expectations, I work till I feel like passing out then I take a minute or two and I try again, but now I'm thinking that it counts for nothing. this is just one of several things that is killing me, and I am tired of it all, why do I have to be like this? Autism is ruining my life, at least before I knew, I was oblivious, I would think "oh ok, this person is just choosing to be an *** and taking it out on me, they don't have to like me, that's fine, it's their choice" but now I see it was probably my fault that i 'am not wired the way that they are, That I don't react and take in information they way that they expect, and they apply false meaning to what they perceive from me, and then they judge me and label me, and now that I know this, I just can't forgive myself for being the way that I am, this is poisoning me.