Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi today has been horrible it started off great I went out with one of my autism groups it was a lovely afternoon and a nice day as well. Then in the evening time my anxiety shot up and I lost control I needed one of my friends and they weren’t around and it got to a point where I thought they had been taken ill and were in hospital. I ran to the bus stop and I was crying this nice girl about my age maybe younger comforted me then offered to buy me a bus ticket I thanked her and walked off then my friend messages me in a bad mood nothing to do with me. But my anxiety just got out of control and out of impulse I jumped on the next bus and got off at a random stop walked to the near by park and phoned the Samaritans that helped then I called my friend he was still not himself but we spoke and it helped talking to him. Then I left the park and went to the bus stop sadly limited service and it was late I phoned my friend and begged him to come and get me in his car he just refused I needed help but he wouldn’t help me he said he needed to be on his own so I had to walk back I was walking along the pavement crying and this van pulled up these 2 women asked if I was ok I just broke down and they kindly drove me home. I didn’t know them or anything but they were really kind and took me home. Since then me and my friend have spoken I told him straight that it was cruel that he wouldn’t help me get home he explained his reasons he had an autistic shut down and physically couldn’t get in his car to get me and that was why he was off with me earlier. But never underestimate the kindness of strangers I’ve learnt that today.
ah young gens... physically cant get in his car... he could do, he just used the english language wrong or warped it to sound better than the truth of "i just couldnt be bothered/i didnt want to" my work place upsets me alot some times, i broke down alot from work. i still force myself to go every day.... no matter how upsetting it is i can never physically not go. i dont want to go, i really dont, but i force myself, and no matter how much i dont want to go i always physically can go. i guess this is another reason people say we are using autism as a excuse as that there is clearly a excuse use case and a twisting of words to sound more polite. im more of a blunt person myself i think, its only younger gens that do this lying and twisting of words to soften the harsh reality of their truth which looks bad on them, into some sort of excuse to excuse it and make them look better. id rather embrace truth and flat out say i was feeling sad and i couldnt be bothered to go or something, i was so down id rather jiust play on xbox instead.... but yeah thats me, i prefer blunt hard honesty to pleasant lies and excuses. people hate me for it but then they are in bed with so many snakes and a man of truth and bluntness would have been their better friend.
Caelus, whilst I broadly agree with a lot of your perspective, from what you've told me in private and public about your life and how you think I have come to believe I have plumbed deeper depths of "weakness of character" or "disabilty" or "over-sensitivity" on occasion in my longer life than you have yet managed. (And to be honest I hope you NEVER get to act and feel as crap as both the O/P and I have experienced).
The original poster may either require "de-sensitivity training" as you instinctively realise, or medication if not to have an unhappy life, or nature (A.K.A. God's planning and design!) which is wonderful sometimes might take care of it for her with the passing of a few years...
Your last paragraph is super-wise but will require MUCH repackaging by one of our more eloquent and generally "wise" members before it could be construed to be helpful to Rach91, and is a clear indicator that you still have not read that book!