Advice re divulging diagnosis at work

tbh its the second part that would have got me if she said that, where she said you think your better than others.... id have read that alot of different ways as there are thousands of ways to read it from many angles and alot of them dont seem pleasant in my head to how that other person is viewing you. if she thinks you think your better than others does that mean she thinks she is better than you? thats one thing id be thinking of... if she then thinks she is better than you then you have to ask why she thinks that, because by her thinking you think your better than her than that means she thinks she is above you instead and looks down on you. thats one majour way id have seen that.

I was wondering if that might be your position. Not for the fainthearted. I wish you well with it.

I think I might have to go to tribunal and all that entails

Regardless of whether or not to disclose at work, as many people still do not consider mental health issues as real issues, they still put it down to “behavioural” issues or “negative attitudes” on the part of the person disclosing - this shows the very reason why post-diagnosis assessments to both assess and determine level of autism and any relevant and appropriate supports required going forward are so important - since my own later in life diagnosis, while I’ve not had active or other forms of discrimination, what I have had is an almost zero level of awareness, much less any understanding of autism (as I hardly understand my diagnosis myself) and what basic understanding and awareness there is our there is usually based on misinformation and misunderstanding couched in euphemism (especially when I go home to Ireland) as most of the focus is on children’s autism - the very fact that state and other bodies are failing to take on board latest research on autism and related issues from around the world, citing cultural and other issues is something that must be robustly challenged at every level and in every way, because there is simply no excuse for their laziness in not wanting to take the time to understand something that is impacting an ever increasing number of the adult population as more people are being diagnosed at all ages and in all sectors of society 

Dear Number. Wise as always. Thanks for your message and for your wishes. I am doing pretty okay. I felt awful at the weekend, but have improved a lot. Feel clearer in my thoughts about what I should do to try and improve things. I might get in touch with my Access to Work Scheme coach to talk through things a bit more.

Thanks again

Dear Caelus, Yes, I am worried about what you have talked about. 

I was pretty devastated to hear about what they had been saying about me. But the person who said it to me, I think she hoped it would help me to improve things.

Dear Mr T, Thank you for your message. I feel angry about how you have been treated. I'm guessing that the Equality Act is not going to help in your case? I will have a look at the Act thank you.

That’s appalling to hear Mr T - you’ve been in the role for 10 years and just because you’ve recently asked for a few adjustments they’re sidelining you. There needs to be more training for NT managers about working with ND colleagues. So much misguided thinking out there.

I might be wrong but the question was should you disclose to your employer. At this point in time time I would say think very carefully and use what you know about your employer to formulate your decision.

As far as I am aware there is no need to disclose under law but if you think you might need some reasonable adjustments, then it might be a good idea to disclose to your manager . Do not give them permission to disclose or 'out' your autism.

I find myself conflicted as I thought everything would be great if I disclosed and got my adjustments. In reality I am now being actively redeployed to god knows what and told I am incapable of doing my role (nearly 10 years) in a career span of 30 years with the same employer. I'm gutted!

Do some reading of the equality act guidance from the EHRC as I suspect you will have to know your rights in order to get them.

There may be better employers out there unlike mine. I can only give you my lived experience so far.

Thank you.

Echoing what Mark has already said, this is great Number - thank you for sharing this. Really useful to hear the different approaches and people’s reactions to those - really fascinating and useful.

Thank you.  "Needs must", as they say.

This is great analysis, Number. I love that you did all this scientifically.

its best to tell them everything because if you withold information they can use your witholding of info as a reason to sack you. seen it happen myself.... although i work for a pretty bad employer, maybe yours isnt as worse. but if my employer thinks you held back info or wasnt honest theyd fire you outright. any info on applying for job and filling in data, if any of it was wrong or witheld info, any lie, theyd fire you. thats what my employer is like. not sure if thats the normality of employment or not. but its always best to be honest so that they cant fire you down the line for lying or witholding info.

oh and your colleague sounds rude if she told you that she thinks your standoffish and thinks your better than others.... id be pretty insulted by that if i heard my colleagues thought that of me as it sounds kinda rude and like they have alot of negative opinions of you.

Dear mrs.snooks,

I know that my opinion of these type of matters is not universal, and that many of us here perceive such matters very differently to me and may think my approach to be weak or stupid somehow.

However, I have actively experimented with "methods of disclosure", and paid close attention to the outcomes.  I have "tweaked" my approach to "disclosures" over time, but I have also toyed with radical amendments to my approach from time-to-time, generally with less favourable outcomes!  Normal folk are an enigma to me!

I am lucky to have a world in which I can experiment (reasonably safely and without major consequences, one way or the other) in this matter.   I also acknowledge my blessings of social bravery, erudition, observational skills and a cold analytical mind that allows me to notice and process the outcomes that ensue.

I have received some kindly honest feedback about my approaches (sometimes/rarely)....but generally, I find that normies REALLY struggle with the intensity of being asked an overtly autistic question or if they are served a wholly honest "outpouring" of my reality!

Anyway.....I have found that ambiguity and obfuscation of any&all specifics works best.....when coupled with a true, unabashed, honest and transparent declaration that "my brain clearly works very differently to most" message.  I always stress to people that my particular brand of "brain operation" is both an intense blessing and intense curse......when operating in today's world.  This is always received well.

When I declare that I am "odd" or "different" in my "thinking" and "approach" to most/many matters.....it is always received with relief (presumably because they can then be sure that I am self-aware enough to know this FACT.)  This positive reaction seems to be a pretty universal response to my self-deprecating/self-exposing realities.  Accordingly, I have learnt that this is a wise thing to do, when I know that people have (or will soon) notice my undoubted oddness.

However.......if I then try to explain or declare the "specifics" of this declaration.....it always gets moody!  I find that people simply don't have the energy or inclination to accept or entertain a long diatribe about me and my brain!!  When you think about it.....that isn't unreasonable!!  I am a pretty "overwhelmable" empath!

So, in summary, I try to make it clear to people that I am DIFFERENT......that I know that I am different ..... and that this gives me strengths and weaknesses that are DIFFERENT to most people .... and that personally, I GREATLY VALUE DIFFERENCE because I can see the utility of that difference!  If apposite, I will also express how much I appreciate ACCOMMODATIONS of my differences.....but I never expressly ask for specific accommodations - merely that I appreciate patience and understanding for my challenges.

When I know that I am becoming "autistically challenged" by something, or that I am generally unable to behave "normally", then I expressly tell people that I am "feeling challenged".....but that I will be fine....and I simply ask for them to ignore or extend their grace or sympathy to me for any weirdness or discomfort that I cause.  People seem happy to do so, and this, in turn, reduces my anxiety and allows me to "power-through."

This is how I deal with life.  I muddle through reasonably safely with this approach these days.  I find that people can cope with me when I elucidate myself as "odd / other" without giving them chapter and verse on the particulars.

I hope this is helpful to you.  I like your contributions here.  I wish you the very best.  I do hope you are well.

Kindest regards

Number.