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Advice re divulging diagnosis at work

mrs.snooks

I was hoping I could ask for some advice.

I have been working in my new job since mid-April and have noticed that my work mates have become more and more frosty with me. On Friday, I told one of my colleagues about me having bipolar and she admitted that that could explain a lot about how I behave. She told me that I have come across as stand offish and as if I think I am better than everyone else. The thing is. It is not so much low mood and irritability that is the cause of this appearance. It is my autism.

I did not put down my autism on my job application or occupational health assessment. 

I have a three month meeting with my line manager this Wednesday. And I wondered what advice you would give about being totally open about what is going on. Pretending that it is my bipolar that is causing the problems. Or what?

Many thanks.

Parents

  • Dear mrs.snooks,

    I know that my opinion of these type of matters is not universal, and that many of us here perceive such matters very differently to me and may think my approach to be weak or stupid somehow.

    However, I have actively experimented with "methods of disclosure", and paid close attention to the outcomes.  I have "tweaked" my approach to "disclosures" over time, but I have also toyed with radical amendments to my approach from time-to-time, generally with less favourable outcomes!  Normal folk are an enigma to me!

    I am lucky to have a world in which I can experiment (reasonably safely and without major consequences, one way or the other) in this matter.   I also acknowledge my blessings of social bravery, erudition, observational skills and a cold analytical mind that allows me to notice and process the outcomes that ensue.

    I have received some kindly honest feedback about my approaches (sometimes/rarely)....but generally, I find that normies REALLY struggle with the intensity of being asked an overtly autistic question or if they are served a wholly honest "outpouring" of my reality!

    Anyway.....I have found that ambiguity and obfuscation of any&all specifics works best.....when coupled with a true, unabashed, honest and transparent declaration that "my brain clearly works very differently to most" message.  I always stress to people that my particular brand of "brain operation" is both an intense blessing and intense curse......when operating in today's world.  This is always received well.

    When I declare that I am "odd" or "different" in my "thinking" and "approach" to most/many matters.....it is always received with relief (presumably because they can then be sure that I am self-aware enough to know this FACT.)  This positive reaction seems to be a pretty universal response to my self-deprecating/self-exposing realities.  Accordingly, I have learnt that this is a wise thing to do, when I know that people have (or will soon) notice my undoubted oddness.

    However.......if I then try to explain or declare the "specifics" of this declaration.....it always gets moody!  I find that people simply don't have the energy or inclination to accept or entertain a long diatribe about me and my brain!!  When you think about it.....that isn't unreasonable!!  I am a pretty "overwhelmable" empath!

    So, in summary, I try to make it clear to people that I am DIFFERENT......that I know that I am different ..... and that this gives me strengths and weaknesses that are DIFFERENT to most people .... and that personally, I GREATLY VALUE DIFFERENCE because I can see the utility of that difference!  If apposite, I will also express how much I appreciate ACCOMMODATIONS of my differences.....but I never expressly ask for specific accommodations - merely that I appreciate patience and understanding for my challenges.

    When I know that I am becoming "autistically challenged" by something, or that I am generally unable to behave "normally", then I expressly tell people that I am "feeling challenged".....but that I will be fine....and I simply ask for them to ignore or extend their grace or sympathy to me for any weirdness or discomfort that I cause.  People seem happy to do so, and this, in turn, reduces my anxiety and allows me to "power-through."

    This is how I deal with life.  I muddle through reasonably safely with this approach these days.  I find that people can cope with me when I elucidate myself as "odd / other" without giving them chapter and verse on the particulars.

    I hope this is helpful to you.  I like your contributions here.  I wish you the very best.  I do hope you are well.

    Kindest regards

    Number.

  • in reply to Number

    Dear Number. Wise as always. Thanks for your message and for your wishes. I am doing pretty okay. I felt awful at the weekend, but have improved a lot. Feel clearer in my thoughts about what I should do to try and improve things. I might get in touch with my Access to Work Scheme coach to talk through things a bit more.

    Thanks again

Reply
  • in reply to Number

    Dear Number. Wise as always. Thanks for your message and for your wishes. I am doing pretty okay. I felt awful at the weekend, but have improved a lot. Feel clearer in my thoughts about what I should do to try and improve things. I might get in touch with my Access to Work Scheme coach to talk through things a bit more.

    Thanks again

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