Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi me and one of my friends we haven’t been getting on at all I’ve tried everything but nothing works. I have now been blocked on WhatsApp and on her mobile. I’m fed up of all the arguing I told her this. She would message me and we be ok but when I try to ask her to meet me she refuses. I’m having a house warming party when I move back into my parents old house having some friends over bbq in the garden I really want her there and she threw it back in my face. I told her earlier what’s the point of being friends if I can’t meet up with you anymore then she blocks me. This has really upset me we both on the spectrum and we used to be good friends but now this has happened. By the way as you guessed by the pronouns it’s not my friend Rikki me and him are getting on much much better but now it’s my other friend I’m not getting on with. It seems like I’m getting on with one close friend but I argue with another close friend like I can’t have two close friends at the same time. I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing with my female friend but I told her I don’t want to argue anymore i just want to see her in person and if she can’t accept that then there no point in being friends. At least with me and Rikki we would argue we have our time outs from one another a few days later I’m over his having pizza. That hasn’t happened in ages we have our tiffs me and him but we get on better but I’ve lost my female friend now and it’s not like I’ll be having pizza over hers in a few days or anything. I just hope one day we will meet again.
it may be you will. It may also be that you won't. But, it is certain that when it comes to friends there is always going to changes and we evolve as we go along. When one is ready for these changes and the other is not there will be, at best, confusion, at worst, trauma.
None of this is, per se, personal and (not sure how old you) is, instead, something natural you will discover as you go along. I would say give everybody time and let everyone off the hook and love them for who they are right now and/or the memory of them. We all change and go to places in our heads that others cannot follow us to.
Let your friend be and honor her need for a break and get on with your life. She may return to your life on her own if she's left to process on her own. I, know for myself, this is how I need to process. Entreaties from others to engage only delay my process and annoy.
That sort of thing is a big part of the reason I gave up having friends, it's too much hard work. 3 is always going to be difficult as one will feel left out.
Hi there,
Unfortunately it's a situation where you have to accept the division. Trying to win them back will make the situation worse as they'll see that as over stepping their boundaries. I know the feeling of needing to be forgiven and wanting to talk it all out but sometimes another person doesn't have the capacity for that. Maybe they were unable to meet up because their capacity was less and they were too embarrassed to admit that. Perhaps this has lead to the blocking because they can't talk about it at the moment. It could also be that there are things in the friendship they felt were too difficult to handle from their perspective so chose to block as opposed to talking because they can't clearly explain the reasons and don't want to hurt you by coming across blunt?
In summary, whatever the reason is and however hurtful it is, I think it's best to let them be and pour yourself into growing the friendships you already are lucky to have.
Best of luck. <3
Every relationship and friendship has arguments at some point in time, but it's also whether or not you two can come to the point of resolution. If you can, you will be having pizza over at their place. If not, then that's not going to happen. I've also tried resolving a friendship dispute, but a friendship is a two-way street. If one person wants resolution, and the other person does not and just wants to remain angry at you forever, there's only so much you can do about that. Plus it's not much of a friendship, nor all that "friendly," if there's arguments and disputes happening all the time, and you have to decide whether or not you want that kind of stress in your life.
Rikki and your female friend are two completely different people. Just because Rikki was able to forgive you, it does not mean that you should expect your female friend to be able to do the same. In time, maybe she will, but it really is not something you can force her to do.
I believe that if you try to put pressure on her, you run the risk of her resenting you further for not respecting her wishes and boundaries. If she wants to reach out to you, she will... when she's ready.
That whole incident with the phone is still relatively recent. Even if she is willing to forgive you, it might be months before she's calmed down enough for that to happen. Also, if she does eventually forgive you, she may well decide that rekindling the friendship is not what she wants. Either way, you need to respect her wishes.
Great news though that you're now getting support and are also on the waiting list for counselling.
It’s really frustrating for me I don’t mean for it to sound rude or abrupt.
Yes it’s the same friend and I’m not proud of what I did and I’m getting support now. I’m on the waiting list for counselling and I’ve signed up to do therapy online it’s free and it’s run by the nhs. I just want to move on forget about what has happened let the past be in the past. Rikki forgave me he was disappointed yeah but he forgave me. Why can’t my other friend?
Rach91 said:She would message me and we be ok but when I try to ask her to meet me she refuses
Rach91 said:I told her earlier what’s the point of being friends if I can’t meet up with you anymore then she blocks me.
Would this friend happen to be the same one that you had previously 'pretended' to be? My apologies for being blunt, If so, but if you are referring to that friend, then it's not really surprising if she is now actively choosing to avoid you and give you the cold shoulder.
If I was you, I would focus on the friendship you have with Rikki, and be thankful that he was willing to forgive you.As for your female friend (if it's the same one I'm thinking of), I would strongly advise against trying to force her to rekindle your friendship. If she has a change of heart, then I feel it needs to be when she is good and ready, and without any pressure from you. For now, all you can do is accept the situation and leave her be.
Finally, please accept my apologies if you are talking about a completely different friend, and not the one you had previously 'pretended' to be.