Published on 12, July, 2020
The last few years I have really been struggling day to day (Always have to some degree but I got by). I have two young children and in the recent years have experienced quite a few close family bereavements.
This Year I decided I could not continue to live in this constant fight or flight mode/ overwhelmed state and it needed to change.
I thought the root cause was the loss of my mother when I was 8Y suddenly to a heart attack. I have no memories of her or my childhood before and very few after. I threw myself in and attended an adults bereaved as children (ABC) workshop which was extremely powerful, invaluable and informative and I've been continuing my journey with a wonderful psychotherapist since. She commented I had processed what most would take years to do in the space of a few months. Now I'm doubting have I processed anything or have I just imitated what the books are saying. By chance I saw a post regarding Autism and though tick tick tick. To then spend hours researching and think what a complete fool I had been. I am on the waiting list for an assessment. I had been meeting with family and family friends to build a picture of my 8 years before I lost my mother and I found old school reports from before and after and it was all there, the classic traits of autism. Never formally diagnosed but I had dyslexia, working extremely hard to make it look like I fitted in.
I am feeling quite confused about everything and who I am. Finding it hard to differentiate between whats normal and whats the autism. I thought I'd always saw the death of my mother quite black and white, she had gone and that was that, I have no memories other than environments from my childhood and still feel very disconnected from her. Although I have longed for her love since.
I do understand everyone is different. However I would appreciate any shared experiences or recommendations on resources that could help with regard to autism and ABC. Do we process grief any differently?
Thank you
Hello there, welcome to the community.
I'm a bit short on time to write a detailed response at the moment but the following article has a load of resources that look to be aligned with the autism / grief issues you are looking for help with:
https://www.autismspeaks.org/grief-and-bereavement-resources
Have you considered regressibe hypnotherapy to uncover memories of your mother? We often block lots of stuff out as a result of grief and your child mind may have chosen to block all memory as it was hurtful at the time.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I shall take the time to look at the link.