36Y Adult bereaved as a child (ABC) and who’s recently discovered she is Autistic

The last few years I have really been struggling day to day (Always have to some degree but I got by). I have two young children and in the recent years have experienced quite a few close family bereavements. 

This Year I decided I could not continue to live in this constant fight or flight mode/ overwhelmed state and it needed to change.

I thought the root cause was the loss of my mother when I was 8Y suddenly to a heart attack. I have no memories of her or my childhood before and very few after. I threw myself in and attended an adults bereaved as children (ABC) workshop which was extremely powerful, invaluable and informative and I've been continuing my journey with a wonderful psychotherapist since. She commented I had processed what most would take years to do in the space of a few months. Now I'm doubting have I processed anything or have I just imitated what the books are saying.  By chance I saw a post regarding Autism and though tick tick tick. To then spend hours researching and think what a complete fool I had been. I am on the waiting list for an assessment. I had been meeting with family and family friends to build a picture of my 8 years before I lost my mother and I found old school reports from before and after and it was all there, the classic traits of autism. Never formally diagnosed but I had dyslexia, working extremely hard to make it look like I fitted in.

I am feeling quite confused about everything and who I am. Finding it hard to differentiate between whats normal and whats the autism. I thought I'd always saw the death of my mother quite black and white, she had gone and that was that, I have no memories other than environments from my childhood and still feel very disconnected from her. Although I have longed for her love since. 

I do understand everyone is different. However I would appreciate any shared experiences or recommendations on resources that could help with regard to autism and ABC. Do we process grief any differently?

Thank you