Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I was diagnosed with ASD earlier in the year. Even though it is something I have thought and believed my whole life, I feel like the diagnosis has turned me upside down and I feel like I don't understand myself anymore. It felt like the assessor saw things in me that I don't see myself, but in the report she wrote, nothing of the sort was described. I received a post-diagnosis email but there wasn't much on there either. I just want someone to talk to who knows Autism well and I can organise my thoughts and learn more about myself. I have tried reading things online but it just doesn't seem to be helping. I want somebody to talk to about it all that knows what they are talking about. I just don't know where to turn.. I feel so isolated and alienated from myself, did anybody else have this experience? I'm from the East Midlands, can anybody signpost me to something that may help? I tried a peer mentoring-type service, but once I signed up I heard nothing more from them, I have sent follow up emails with no response also.. I have joined local groups on Facebook but it all seems to be child-centred and parents looking for school placements.
Any feedback would be greatly received, I don't want to keep feeling this way.
A diagnosis does not change the person you are, you are the same person, with the same traits as before the diagnosis. The diagnosis is just an explanation of the reasons behind some facets of how you are. I found my diagnosis to be very positive, though it only confirmed what I had realised for myself beforehand. I had passed the vast majority of my life (diagnosed at 59) thinking that my odd traits, difficulties and limitations were entirely personal - I was just bad at being a human being. Realising that I was autistic was a liberation for me, I realised that I wasn't bad at being a human being, I was actually very good at coping with neurotypical society, quite inimical to me, as an autistic person. I coped with problems on a daily basis that did not even exist for neurotypical people. I was amazingly strong and not weak. I also was overjoyed at finding there was a community of people like me in many ways. After a lifetime of cutting all labels out of clothing, and thinking it odd that manufacturers kept adding these physically irritating things to clothes, I almost wept when I found that cutting labels out of clothing was quite common in autistic people. I had found my 'tribe'.
Yes Martin - I can relate to what you write here. I had also felt ‘weak’ - but with greater understanding of autism I realised (just like you did) that’s I’d actually done quite well considering the extra difficulties I was trying to cope with all the time. And as you say - I finally realised that there WAS a group of people I did ‘fit in with’ - other autistic people! For me the diagnosis has been very positive - but for the first few weeks after I got it I did have a period of feeling a bit weird about it, and was looking at my whole past in a new light. I think for most people the diagnosis eventually is a positive thing overall.