Life feels like a pointless drag

I felt like this for a long time in my teenage years and in my twenties.  I feel like I want to offer you a solution, so I'm gonna give you a cliche answer - find a hobby.  But not really any old hobby, focus on a core skill. What I mean by this is developing a central skill in an area which can then cascade into it's related hobbies.  For instance I'm really into 'Art', the kind of Art where you practice drawing for ages and get somewhat good at it.  For instance I'm going to a life painting session tomorrow to practice even more - even after almost 20 years of practice!!!  I've found that my skills in art translate into other hobbies, like painting miniatures for board games, even gardening.  But for instance you could learn the core skills in Music and then apply that to a hobby such as drumming in a marching band for example.  Or you could decide to work on your body, through weight lifting or exercise, and then apply it to a sport. But I think the key is to really get your head down and learn a core skill for a while, and then expose it to the world via your progress, or through a hobby.  Showing your skills like this enriches the world around you, and therefore you as well.  You might lean into an core skill already and not realise it.  If not you might want to take Yellow trees advice and take the world in, to do some self reflection. I hope that helps.

I have felt like, well, in the past year but I never have planned anything and never will. But I am so hopelessly depressed. Meds don't work for me. Its like they want to pill you up so you and totally numb and you don't have to concern them anymore. Not to say they don't work for anyone else. 36-37 years of abusive relationships, bullying, dead end jobs. I spent the last 20 years wishing to be removed from this planet. The only thing I have which gives me hope is my faith, and honestly the conventional way doesn't seem so appealing to me anymore. You are not the only one. I cant even get help to find a new job because I am working. At work we are forced to smile for mystery shopper. Its so tiring. Just know many of us are in the same boat, honestly easy to say, and I don't want to be that person to pep talk. But you can always reach out to someone here. Even organizations like the samaritans, if you ever need anyone. Honestly some of these things have had mixed results for me, but the options are there

A lot of the time I feel like I just exist, and then I get sad about how basically all my life will be is working to pay taxes which are spent poorly and then I'll die.

I can't believe this is all there is, and it shouldn't be. But modern society is kind of broken, and the social contract is getting worse over time. In many ways we are less free than medieval peasants. Everything has become very controlled with governments bloated beyond belief and managing every aspect of people's lives, like rats in a cage.

And despite all the modern luxuries, we are disconnected from the things that matter. Everything is focused around simple quick pleasures, which are not rewarding or fulfilling long-term. The reward centre of the brain is getting messed up by all the scrolling, social media, video games, fast food, instant access to all music, TV etc. The hedonic treadmill starts to feel empty.

If this is true of you and you want to change it, what you basically have to do is go out of your comfort zone and distort the expectations of the simulation. Do something you never did before, take a different route somewhere, shop somewhere else, buy different things, cook different meals, get outside and interact with the world with your hands, talk to someone you never would normally, take risks, and actually pay attention to every detail of it and be in the moment. This is hard for autistic people who resist change and like routine and why I basically never take this advice.

No I don’t feel like this. Life feels like an adventure for me. There’s always something new to try. I enjoy new things. Maybe the reason why you feel this way is because you haven’t accepted your autism diagnosis. You feel incomplete because you feel as though you are deficient in some way and you are always looking for something about yourself that has to be fixed. There is nothing to be fixed as such. Just an imbalance of brain chemicals. Not enough GABA in other words. This is not the end of the world your life is only more difficult because it’s all in your head. Your head is making life more difficult than it needs to be because you don’t have enough gaba in there. You just need to stop worrying and live your life that’s all. If you want help with your gaba imbalance you need to seek medical attention or something. A neurologist would be the one you need to see not a psychiatrist a neurologist. Don’t worry I’m with you bro. I’m on the waiting list to see a neurologist and it takes a year so I understand the struggle. But we can make it less of a struggle by embracing the present moment.

All day, everyday. 

See my post "Bored with Autism, ADHD, etc" I think it is in the miscellaneous chat feed.