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Getting my autistic son to communicate his feelings

NAS94191
3 months ago

I am reaching out for some help and advice for my 10yr old son. 

My son has really good verbal and communication skills, but it’s clear he struggles to discuss his emotions with myself and his mum. 
We have noticed that the other kids at school see him as different and as such end up either excluding him or bullying him. He sometimes gets upset by this, other times shrugs it off as all he wants to do is feel included and part of the peer group (we’ve seen some of this on text between others and sometimes at parties or football where we obviously have a keen eye on what’s going on).

We haven’t discussed his ASD with him yet and nor do his peers understand this, but it hurts to see that he won’t discuss what goes on and we are stuck with what to do worrying that the lother it goes on the harder it will be to get him to talk about those feelings. 

Any advice is welcomed.

thanks 

Parents
  • 3 months ago

    Your son may have trouble understanding his feelings as feelings you could grasp. Tell his the truth of who he is and that he not wrong for not having the same emotional skill set as you. he is unique and interesting and worthy of getting to know on his own terms. I don't know how old he is but tell him, in an age appropriate way that he is autistic.

    Many of us carry our distress in physical illness and sensation. Some of us who were sent into unfathomable situations and expected to conform to norms that we could not satisfy still carry the traces of  trauma that others interpreted as simply 'belly ache', 'Eczema', 'headache', 'isolation', ad nauseam. We tell ourselves, when we are not told the truth in a way we can feel self respect, that ee are somehow 'wrong' and it's terrifying, yet we have no way to express that terror that feels safe as children. 

    Why is he not being given accommodation? If his autism were acknowledged and a school that fit his frame of mind better could be found for him that would go a long way. Expecting him to conform is going to add to his distress.

    I remember adults discussing this in front of me as if I weren't there.

    I am better at describing my feeling now, but I have to first evaluate and sift through thoughts and bodily sensations to see and name it - and all that as the sands of sensation and thought are shifting beneath me.

    Finding an outlet that is not lanuage-centric may help if he is very young. Get help yourselves if you at sea with this. You, also, are not alone.

Reply
  • 3 months ago

    Your son may have trouble understanding his feelings as feelings you could grasp. Tell his the truth of who he is and that he not wrong for not having the same emotional skill set as you. he is unique and interesting and worthy of getting to know on his own terms. I don't know how old he is but tell him, in an age appropriate way that he is autistic.

    Many of us carry our distress in physical illness and sensation. Some of us who were sent into unfathomable situations and expected to conform to norms that we could not satisfy still carry the traces of  trauma that others interpreted as simply 'belly ache', 'Eczema', 'headache', 'isolation', ad nauseam. We tell ourselves, when we are not told the truth in a way we can feel self respect, that ee are somehow 'wrong' and it's terrifying, yet we have no way to express that terror that feels safe as children. 

    Why is he not being given accommodation? If his autism were acknowledged and a school that fit his frame of mind better could be found for him that would go a long way. Expecting him to conform is going to add to his distress.

    I remember adults discussing this in front of me as if I weren't there.

    I am better at describing my feeling now, but I have to first evaluate and sift through thoughts and bodily sensations to see and name it - and all that as the sands of sensation and thought are shifting beneath me.

    Finding an outlet that is not lanuage-centric may help if he is very young. Get help yourselves if you at sea with this. You, also, are not alone.

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