Published on 12, July, 2020
I am reaching out for some help and advice for my 10yr old son. My son has really good verbal and communication skills, but it’s clear he struggles to discuss his emotions with myself and his mum. We have noticed that the other kids at school see him as different and as such end up either excluding him or bullying him. He sometimes gets upset by this, other times shrugs it off as all he wants to do is feel included and part of the peer group (we’ve seen some of this on text between others and sometimes at parties or football where we obviously have a keen eye on what’s going on).
We haven’t discussed his ASD with him yet and nor do his peers understand this, but it hurts to see that he won’t discuss what goes on and we are stuck with what to do worrying that the lother it goes on the harder it will be to get him to talk about those feelings.
Any advice is welcomed.
thanks
Have a look at Alexithymia.
The short answer is many autistics will have difficulty accessing the right word to attach to an internal sense and might not be able to either separate the details and identify a particular emotion, or might have an extremely delayed response. But I'm 50, female and I still cannot tell you my feelings on a thing. What I can tell you at this point is what happened, the ethics and principles around the event and if I was impacted to some degree and a sort of 'diagnosis' of it, including what I believe should happen next. While I definitely know when a sound frequency is painful, I might not have a feeling about a social event (unless there is a physical exchange).
Autism is a difference in communication. Internal and external. Many of us might say we experience difficulty accessing vocabulary. Some neurologists will talk about the differences in Left brain vs Right brain and language. The left is where much of our social-linguistics are wired. It's where we might 'think with words' and allows for ease of communication with symbols and representations, for intuiting those around us who use all social nuance of communication. It's programmed to work with our social surroundings. The Right has a vocabulary according to what I understand, and it is where we imagine and create, rather than socialise. It's where one might experience and explore about the nature of things, physics or systems or encounter melodies and so on. From what I've read into it seems autism is more right brain intuitive.
Language, of course, is not just words, we can communicate through the arts in ways words fail to express.
So, when there is a loss in translation, many things will have happened by age 10 if the world around isn't using just words in the literal translation to communicate. I might not have picked up on social cues, but that can also mean an 'innocence is bliss' from not picking up unspoken judgement. As for exclusion - I might sense others don't want to play with me, but I also might enjoy immersing myself into the world around without someone bothering me. There is a quiet joy to a real introvert. Someone who loves going to the movies but doesn't like others talking during it or interrupting their imaginations continued thought on it might really enjoy going alone. Same with shopping. It might be preferred due to having an ability to focus, and so on.
I want to add that how we Feel about a thing is based on our perspective and experience in life, which will output an Emotion. I might reason that due to our differences, while everyone does want to 'fit in' if not for the sake of connexion, but also survival, Autistics will have completely different motives due to not catching social nuances which inform the majority how they should be thinking about or perceiving a thing. At some point with maturity and wisdom, connecting to the right few people can outweigh wanting to fit in with the immaturity of a mass collective.