Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi fellow men. PS (ladies you can chime in if you wish to add anything too) open to all.
I wanted to get a bit of understanding from the men out there. What do you think about being a man with autism? Is it hard? What support do you get? What do you struggle with? For example aggression, anger management, exclusion, social isolation etc.
What do you wish people understood more about being a man? What is being a man to you? What values create a man?
I personally have certain values I will list here:
- treat women with respect and kindness. I believe women deserve to be treated with respect. I always hold doors open for women and let women go first on the bus etc. Just common decency to me but just little things that make me me.
- doing what I believe to be right. I try and follow my heart and do what I know or feel is the right thing to do in the moment.
- patience. Being patient and taking my time with things. Not rushing into the first thing that comes my way but rather instead taking my time and letting things take they’re natural order.
- no tolerance for drugs. Having the inner strength to say no to drugs and being willing to set those boundaries with those I meet through my everyday travels.
- self control. Having the ability to control my self and not act on the first impulse that I feel. Having the self control to stop myself from making daft decisions (ties into next point below).
- maturity. Having wisdom in years and experience to set an example to younger folks of how to treat others and be in the world.
So yeh this was just some ideas, just a fun topic nothing serious. Feel free to share your own values and experiences of being a man.
Yellow tree 118 said:- treat women with respect and kindness. I believe women deserve to be treated with respect. I always hold doors open for women and let women go first on the bus etc. Just common decency to me but just little things that make me me
I like your post, although I don’t participate in the discussion about experience of manhood because I dont have any, I have some observations. Sadly, more and more women don’t want to be treated with respect, also they don’t want to treat men with respect. Instead they put their best effort to make men feel useless. Once I had a disagreement with my long term friend. She said, that we don’t need men and men suck. Then I told her: ok! Good! Then don’t call for a plumber or electrician if something is broken at home (great majority in these professions are occupied by men), don’t call for help if you have to pick a fridge to a third floor and there is no elevator. Don’t expect stocks to be delivered to the shop or bus to be on time (bus and truck drivers are also mostly men) and don’t expect someone to protect your a** in case if there is a war. Stop using devices that were invented by men. That made her speechless and then she had angry outburst and didn’t speak to me for some time. But I know I’m right. I always say, in our society we need both men and women. We only don’t need hatred. What I like in men is exactly their strength both physical and ability to control emotions.
I get where the whole "men are trash" thing comes from. I'm never too sure how to react to it, because I can't take on the responsibility of how all men behave.
I'm not insecure with it though; I'm not bothered by what a "real man" supposedly is.
it comes probably from trauma and being abused. But here is the stereotype: men= violence, women = victims. It’s all mixed. Both men and women can be perpetrators and victims of violence. I experienced a lot of abuse, from both - men and women. And I’m far from saying such s*** about any group of people, just because someone belonging to that group hurt me in the past. Yes, nobody is responsible for other people’s actions and nobody should hold someone responsible for other people’s actions.
Debbie said:The subject of this offshoot of the main conversation is female/male power.
You are quoting examples from countries with extremist religious controls (Afganistan, Pakistan) where womens rights are in the stone age. All the discussions here have been relevant to our experiences.
I feel sorry that these situations exist but they are far beyond my power to do anything about.
Debbie said:Ah, women having the power to say 'no'? An odd choice of example.
Ah, women having the power to say 'no'?
An odd choice of example.
You are missing the point of my discussion - it is the power given to women to destroy a mans career without proof where the same does not exist for men.
I fully support womens rights to say no and be respected. It is deplorable that it was ever otherwise and I believe the law has restored this power.
Debbie said:You live in Brazil though?
Only full time since 2022 and I still return regularly and have many active contacts in the UK. So my experience is still current enough to be permitted to contibute I would hope.
Time for an obligatory joke to lighten the mood (as per the thread title):
How are men like clouds?
When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
TheCatWoman said:Is that still happening? I thought we'd got over that in the 80's and 90's, it's a terrible practice, it makes a mockery of equality legislation
It is still very much an issue in IT.
Amerantin (former member) said:the IT industry has tried just about everything to encourage more women to join. It’s been trying for decades.
My experience of interviewing dozens of female applicants was that the vast majority only saw the IT support area (helpdesk, deskside, back end and project work) as beneath them - they were using it as a way to get a foot in the door at a prestigious company and were already planning their next step out of the department.
There were a handful who were actually interested in the field and these resulted in me often having a choice of 1 or 2 candidates for a position rather than the 20+ that I would have if males were allowed to be considered.
There was a resultant impact in the team performance as everyone else had to carry a lot more work to compensate for the less talented/experienced newcomers and within a year what had been a significantly overachieving department was struggling to do the basics as most of the male staff left (quoting unfairness in the treatment of promotions and increased political correctness).
This then gave the issue of backfilling the departed staff from the same restricted supply chain. It was at this point I decided I had enough and resigned my management position to become a much needed technician (and I could work remotely from Brazil), leading me to retire in my 50s rather than keep going in a job market that was becoming toxic.
Needless to say I was replaced by a female who lasted a year before decding to have a baby and left the team without a manager for the next 18 months - I felt sorry for those left in the team as internal squables became the norm and the whole dept developed a poor reputation after over a decade of excellence.
I'm not saying this is typical but it had a very direct cause. It may be down to the nature of the people attracted to the role (neurodivergence was widespread) or just a series of coincidences. It was just my experience of the drive for "equality" in the workplace.
Now for the obligatory joke:
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
Maybe we could just accept the fact that men and women are different in nature and also statistically have more predispositions to perform in certain professions, while women in others. Statistically there are more male airplane pilots, that does not mean a woman can not do it. But as it’s highly responsible job, people’s lives literally lay in the crew’s hands, the applicants should be carefully selected, regardless of their sex and other factors. I heard that some company in the USA (forgot the name) tried their best to show in their statistics how diverse they are. That’s a disaster.
To be fair the IT industry has tried just about everything to encourage more women to join. It’s been trying for decades.
But I think the solution lies earlier in peoples’ lives - at school. By the time people make a career decision it’s already too late. Too many stereotypes and misconceptions have already been onboarded.