Published on 12, July, 2020
I finally got diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at the age of 38. I met all of the criteria very easily. He was almost going to diagnose me with level 2 because of how severe my social difficulties are, but in the end said level 1 makes more sense since I am able to be independent now.I don't have anyone to talk to because I don't have any friends and haven't told my family. I honestly don't know how to feel about it (and I generally struggle to know what I'm feeling anyway). But I'm pretty sure I feel bad.I keep thinking how I wish I was diagnosed earlier so that I could have had support in education and work, and if I had known about it, maybe I could have learnt to be social and had therapy or training etc, instead of trying to work it all out for myself and failing.Then sometimes I feel like a fraud and wonder if I somehow tricked the doctor into diagnosing me. But everything that was said was true. I think I just feel like that because it seemed so easy to be diagnosed, I was expecting more push back because of self-doubts.The doctor who diagnosed me told me I should try to go to meet ups for autistic people because there are lots of people out there like me who I would get on with, and who might have the same special interests. But I'm afraid, and I think they would all be younger than me. I wish I didn't waste my life being alone, it feels like it's too late.Did anyone else feel any of these things after being diagnosed as an adult?
Hi Paper,
I am 50 and was diagnosed about 1 year ago. I have not received the written report of my diagnosis, only the verbal confirmation by my clinical psychologist. The waitlist for getting diagnosed is inhumanely long, and it seems that even when you've been diagnosed you're moved onto the next waitlist to be taken onboard NHS run autism help groups.
I feel very much about what you wrote about the benefits of being diagnosed earlier in life. Sadly, as for me, the only thing I did was to learn to mask - possibly in hindsight it was the worst thing to do as it only delayed getting taking seriously by health services that I was neurologically different and not just 'not putting in enough effort like everyone else' . In that sense, people with a visible, physical disability have it way easier (not meaning to downplay physical disabilities, but the neurotypical mainstream society is more able to pick those up and show more empathy).
I would never say that you're a fraud. I felt like that myself, but then when thinking carefully about it it was confounding how I was masking my autism with who I actually was. In a way, the voices from so-called well-meaning people close to me urging me to fit in and adapt were and are still ringing in my head.
Age should not be a factor to put you off going to autism groups. It is your close environment and health services and not you that have delayed your diagnosis. You may feel jealous that others got the diagnosis much sooner than you did, but then again negative emotions won't help you find your own community.