Do neurotypical people have to ‘learn’ social norms and how to talk/act?

also they have a similar shut in thing that most of us end up doing after high school, they call that hikkikimori or something like that. i probably spelt it wrong.

I have interacted with many foreign students whose first language is not English, and they have often said that I am easy to understand. I think that, unlike many neurotypicals, I consciously avoid slang and sloppy pronunciation, both in general and specifically when talking to foreign people. I think that a lifetime of scanning social interactions in a mindful way uniquely equips some autists to make connections across cultures.

I think I probably do better than many NT's when it comes to interacting with other societies, I'm a quick study when it comes to masking and any faux pas I make can be put down to cultural and/or language differences.

I personally think that even neurotypicals mask to a certain extent to fit in with society as well it's just that for us it can really take over and be harmful at times and be a lot more complex day to day

Yes! Same here! When I leave my workplace I say “bye” but very quietly so usually nobody hears that so this way it’s kind of I did say that, it was awkward but done and there should be no complaints about that. It also feels uncomfortable when I speak to someone and we say bye to each other and then the person keeps talking to me and the discussion actually goes on and I stare at them confused.

Same. I feel awkward saying bye then hanging around for a few seconds getting my stuff sorted. I feel like I have to time it so that it’s dead on me leaving the room 

 ‘Convenience Store Woman‘ by author Sayaka Murata, will show you how Japanese society is as inimical to autistic people as is our own, though often in particularly Japanese ways..

NT society likes to infantalise women even in small ways like refering to them as babe, but women call their male partners babe too, I don't get it either.

Yes! Absolutely! I’m from the post Soviet block country, and our culture has changed a lot during last 30 years. We call it everything gets American. No Offenes, but this is how it looks from the customer point of view. Often the older people complain, that the young customer service assistants are not professional and properly trained but smiling and looking in the eyes as if trying to flirt or something like that. And then they add “yeah, that all the big companies teach them”. This is also a reason once I lost a job as a customer service assistant. The “secret customer” wrote a report, that I was cod, not smiling and not making eye contact and the person had impression that I want to get rid of them asap. I just did my best to answer all the questions in a professional manner. Otherwise there were no complaints from the real customers about me. And since that situation I honestly feel sick, when looking for a job and seeing the happy faces of the customer service assistants in the job offers page. Now I’ve got a job that thank goodness I have very little contact to any customer. 

likewise the Eastern European/Russian culture of customer service staff not smiling and looking ‘miserable’ as some might put it makes more sense to me. The culture there is all about being ‘serious and professional’ rather than the ‘service with a smile’ attitude that is so popular in America and by proxy the UK 
smiling at someone and making eye contact over there is considered an intimate thing between close people and that’s how it is for me tbh.

i think japanese norms maybe more natural for me.... dont say anything, just give a bit of a nod lol seems more natural. plus japanese dont look people in the eye as its a disrespectful challenge to do so.

As social norms vary enormously between societies, they have to be learned. The difference is that neurotypical people learn these things largely subconsciously, like babies learn language, whereas we learn it mostly consciously, like a university student learning Japanese. 

it seems awkward though, i mean imagine saying "ok bye" or something then your still in the same place awkwardly doing shopping or waiting at a que, i dunno saying bye seems as awkward as saying nothing.

That is me. Everyday at work! I leave without saying anything but I feel self conscious because I feel like I’m expected to give a ‘speech’

even when a colleague gets married or is moving abroad or something… most I can muster is a rehearsed handshake or a scripted ‘congratulations’ 

I’m always scared that that comes across as me having no empathy and not caring, where in reality I’m extremely happy for them, it’s just me not knowing how to express things. 

yeah saying most things feels weird to me so i dont do it, which makes me seen ignorant. especially if i walk away without saying bye or something along the lines of a discussion closer and a see you later thing... i just sometimes walk off as i dunno saying bye seems wrong sometimes, or seems like its pointless as your still around the vicinity..

It’s an interesting question. I think we as humans tend to do more eagerly things which we like and find easy. So it may be, that at least part of neurotypical people find it easy. They probably find it easy to learn the social norms, because their brains are wired similarly so the way of thinking is also more similar between them, although everyone is different and of course not all of them like each other. From my own experience I remember my interactions with peers very difficult, confusing and pointless. I felt like I was missing a lot, like others have they’re defined by default personalities and way of behaving and communication, like they have some sort of special, secret code which I was not given. It was frustrating. So that’s why I as least find social interactions difficult. When I was younger I wanted to have friends and be like others. I mastered ways of masking and one day I got so tired exhausted of pretending that I’m someone who I’m not, that I withdrew from social life. Now I’m kinda trying to get back on track but not gonna mask as much as I did before. 

I’d agree, it seems very 90’s or 00’s to be but it seems pretty standard for NT people I know.

I think "babe" is considered a little bit outdated now anyway.

I wonder if they question all of it to the extent that I did though. I always thought for example, why would I call a girl “babe”? Comparing a romantic partner to an INFANT is incredibly weird to me and I don’t understand why I’m the only one who thinks this. 

The spite thing is a definite thing with me. For example I despised clubbing or dancing when I was younger and grew at one point to think of myself as ‘above’ it. (not that I care for it now. I just know now it’s not part of who I am) but at the same time I got depressed wondered ‘why can’t I go to a club and pull girls and talk with my hips or whatever they say’ like normal people. 
the feeling of being happy knowing who I am and knowing what I can never ever be has actually been very liberating.