Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't know what to do, my neighbour a young man in his early 20's can be a regular visitor to see my sort of ex who lives with us, I find him infuriating, he has an aura like a detuned telly which totally throws me, he never listens, he asks a question and then he's off answering it for me before I've drawn breath to answer, then when I do get a couple of words out, he's off again down another rabbit hole of second guessing his umpteenth guess. He dirves me crazy, to the point where I either want to kill him or have a melt down. I now I "should" be more understanding, but I can't and I don't know what to do?
Help!
I would consider an initial confrontation to say "Look you are not letting me answer any questions. If you want to talk to me then when I lift my hand you stop talking and let me answer otherwise you are no longer welcome here".
It conveys the facts of the situation and the rules of engagement - and is very much to the point.
The worst that can happen is he stops talking to you which is a win too.
You may need to get your ex to back you up on this and I suspect he will be glad to have the same option to use as well.
No he won't back me up, I've tried to do various things like that and I can't even get the words out before he speaks over me. I think it's a misogyny thing too, I dont think he see's me as having anything of value to add to whatever he's doing, so he blanks me unless its to tell me stuff. He does the same with his mother, who's as mad as a box of frogs, I mean seriously clinically barking.
Maybe I should come down one day wearing my full fighting dirk and other kit, see if I can terrify him away!
TheCatWoman said:Maybe I should come down one day wearing my full fighting dirk and other kit, see if I can terrify him away!
A crossbow is the best option here - the range of it means he won't get too close and will be constantly wary, especially if you can leave a few bolts stuck in the wall where he normally stands...
You can now sit nearby and shout "are you still here" over him when he visits.
TheCatWoman said:I think it's a misogyny thing too
It is most likely an insecurity thing - he is quite possibly afraid to have a conversation with a female so talks constantly out of nerves.
You could also hold up a sign that says "stop talking" so he gets the message - he may not realise he is doing it and gets even more nervous as he things you don't want to speak to him.
The autistic mind works in strange ways....
I am mostly in another room, but he's usually in the garage which we use as a smoking room so if I want a cig, then I have to be there, but because of his strong aura I'm always out of whack as I can feel him.
I'm not very good with projectile weapons, I could try holding up a sign, but as I think he talks partly out of nerves, partly because he's never learned to stop talking and that his head's so busy I think he'd just speak whatever came into his had about the sign. There is a part of me that wants to go into full on Laegartha mode though.