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Anger issues

Miss Understood

I have come to realise I have an issue with anger. I have been feeling more and more irritable these last few months and it’s making me prone to angry outbursts. I hate it because I don’t deal with anger very well at all. I yell, kick things and hurt myself which obviously isn’t healthy. I’m on a waiting list for an anger management course.

Anyone else? Any advice would also be appreciated.

  • Most likely it's built up unresolved matters. 

    Being autistic, you may sense a need to resolve everything. What compounds this is often being brought up (like most of us) with unhealthy expectations, a lack of being taught how to troubleshoot let alone recognise and fix triggers (halogens in most of the house but a few places relieved a lot of stress for me), rarely being afforded agency or shown how to assert good boundaries... the list goes on.

    In my life, I'm overworked and underpaid, was never properly helped through uni, fired from a myriad of jobs due to dyslexia so unclear how to get a different job and lately feeling out of alignment with where I want to be in life. The frustration adds up! It's a fight to remember to be thankful for what I do have, which does actually help. 

  • in reply to Autisician

    I feel the same way and sometimes I get very upset and I feel I want to stomp my feet and how I can stop it and I need help with it and I from colorado

  • I find my default response to a trigger is often anger. Something makes me jump, I'm angry at it. Something makes me sneeze, I'm angry at whoever put it there. Someone crashes my calendar or changes plans, I'm angry at them. Someone calls without me expecting it, I'm angry at them... See the pattern?!

    I think it's just the fight flight freeze response being triggered and mostly I find I go "defensive" by default.

    I find just taking a breath and thinking about a situation helps, realise that the person is calling because they want to speak to you, because they either want to , or feel you're the only one that can help, that's a positive. People haven't put air fresheners in place to trigger my hypersensitivity, so it's not their fault . Takes a lot of time and I've never found the internal reaction to things changes, but I have a lot less issues if I don't outwardly react until I've just run it through some rational thinking first. Before I used to do this , I'd fall out with people and regret it massively afterwards. I guess it's a kind of masking in a way.

    Not always easy to reign in, as Iain also said, exercise helps, I find I'm more calm having done some. 

  • Hi , as you mentioned that you have hurt yourself when you're angry, I wanted to share some information from the NAS on self-harm in case this is related to what you're experiencing: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/self-harm.

    You can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help for your mental health as well as links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help.

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email at jo@samaritans.org.

    MIND have information pages on coping with self-harm based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/about-self-harm/.

    I'm sorry if I misinterpreted what you said, but just wanted to be on the safe side.

    Best wishes,

    Anna Mod

  • Physical exercise for me is a great way to burn off some of the inner rage that builds from time to time - really giving it your all to push some metal up and down or racing on the cross trainer to go as fast as you can for as long as you can works well for me.

    It has the bonus of strengthening your body and making you fitter (as well as a sweaty wreck at the time).

    Running isn't quite the same for me but I know others use it in a similar way.

    And once in a while it is worth finding a safe space, some safety gear, some old bottles / crockery / old TV set or whatever and beat the snot out of it with a baseball bat - that is the best.

    Somehow it burns off all the anger and makes you feel fulfilled at the same time.

    That's my go-to solution anyway.