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Autism or bad behaviour

NAS93562
4 months ago

Hi , new here. My 7 year old is currently being assessed for Autism. His always quite well behaved at home as we can see when something is triggering him and distract him before it escalates or he will take himself off to his bedroom when he gets over stimulated.

However tonight he has absolutely lost it, worst meltdown yet. Hit myself, his step dad. Told us he hates us were horrible etc. I've put him in his room to calm down and to safeguard ourselves and his little brothers. My question is how do you know when it's his Autism/over stimulated or his just being a pre-teenage boy?

Myself and my partner have sat down and both said the same. We don't know how to punish him as we can't always tell which it is. Obviously if his being his back chatty teenage self he will just lose electrical devices for the day but I don't want to punish him for something he can't help. Be kind I'm sat crying feeling like the worse mum ever Upside down

Parents
  • 4 months ago

    Hi, don't blame yourself, you are not a bad parent.

    You don't say what triggered the behaviour, so it's difficult to advise. Whatever it is, you did the correct thing in putting him into a quiet place on his own to calm down.

    Once he is calm, try talking with him about why he behaved as he did, what upset him. Explain that hitting other people is not acceptable, and that he must go go to his room if he feels upset about something and cannot control himself. Whether it is autism causing this.or not, he needs guidance on how to manage his behaviour.

    I would not give any punishment this time, as it is the first time he has behaved that way. Once you establish why he behaved that way and have made it clear how he should manage things differently, you can then tell him what the consequences will be if he hits someone again.

    Whether autistic or not, I feel that all children need structure and rules. Allowing violent behaviour with no consequence may allow it to escalate, and will signal to his brothers that either it's ok to hit people, or that he is being treated favourably to them.

    One thing you could consider is a punch bag in his room for him to take out his frustration on?

Reply
  • 4 months ago

    Hi, don't blame yourself, you are not a bad parent.

    You don't say what triggered the behaviour, so it's difficult to advise. Whatever it is, you did the correct thing in putting him into a quiet place on his own to calm down.

    Once he is calm, try talking with him about why he behaved as he did, what upset him. Explain that hitting other people is not acceptable, and that he must go go to his room if he feels upset about something and cannot control himself. Whether it is autism causing this.or not, he needs guidance on how to manage his behaviour.

    I would not give any punishment this time, as it is the first time he has behaved that way. Once you establish why he behaved that way and have made it clear how he should manage things differently, you can then tell him what the consequences will be if he hits someone again.

    Whether autistic or not, I feel that all children need structure and rules. Allowing violent behaviour with no consequence may allow it to escalate, and will signal to his brothers that either it's ok to hit people, or that he is being treated favourably to them.

    One thing you could consider is a punch bag in his room for him to take out his frustration on?

Children
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