Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm in my mid 20s, and I started doing this when I was 13.
Quite often, if I'm stressed or angry, I'll skip meals because I just won't feel like it. If I've screwed up, I'll punish myself by not eating.
If I'm angry with someone, my way of sticking it to them is to not eat. It's kind of me being spiteful, like "that person is angry with me therefore I'll hurt myself".
There's probably little logic to it (!) but for me, it's a form of taking back some control.
HMO said:If I'm angry with someone, my way of sticking it to them is to not eat. It's kind of me being spiteful, like "that person is angry with me therefore I'll hurt myself".
This sounds like a therapists job to unravel why you want to punish others by making yourself suffer - it does seem like a form of projection.
Taking about it logically can show it is not doing what you are trying to do and you can develop techniques to deflect that anger into something healthier.
HMO said:it's a form of taking back some control.
Using logic it seems that it is not doing this at all - you are losing the control by becoming weak and hurt through it. Maybe deflect that anger into making a voodoo doll and use it to inflict the sorts of horrors on the other person.
Where you are the one causing the issue, redirect the punishment to something positive instead. Make yourself run 5 miles, clean the house, voulnteer for a days charity work or similar - it is still a punishment but one that doesn't harm you.
It's usually a case of "I'll punish myself before anyone else can" because I have been punished over things, big or small. I feel small, and therefore not strong enough to fight it.
I get more satisfaction from starving myself than going for a walk, a lot of the time.