Published on 12, July, 2020
I was in a long term relationship and I made it clear from the start that I was seeking an autism diagnosis, and my partner was totally chill with that. But as soon as I was diagnosed he treated me differently. I tired to talk to him about how I face work place discrimination due to my disability, and that autistic people were less likely to be employed etc., but he wouldn't listen o me and didn't care. He even said "why would people hire autistic people if they won't even be good at their job?", which was really hurtful. I think the worst thing for him was just me being anxious whilst in public. I was really struggling because I was newly diagnosed and we were in a really busy part of London, and so I did start crying from stress. I think he just felt embarrassed by me.
A couple days later he broke up with me, citing that I am too emotional, needy, and dependent on him. When I asked him if it was specifically the autism, he didn't answer me, so I can assume that's a yes. It has been 2 months since then and I'm still devastated as to why he treated me like this. I am not sure how to move forward in my life or have a relationship again knowing that my partner could end up heavily disliking me because I'm autistic. It hurts to know that who I am is so terrible that my ex just felt out of love with me. Pls advise me. :)
It’s one reason why I as an older Irish gay man in the U.K. would not jump into the gay dating scene following my diagnosis regardless of whether or not I’d disclose my diagnosis and even though many gay men are on the spectrum, many gay men are also incredibly judgmental and prejudiced against anyone that is “different” and honestly, I think that gay dating apps and websites have made this situation far worse in the modern age - another thing that I have to consider especially following my diagnosis is that even though I live alone in the U.K. is the attitudes and potential judgemental attitudes of disapproval from my family in Rural Ireland, who in many ways, like myself, are traditional Irish Catholics and family connections are important to me - when I first came out as gay following my teens in the 1980’s in Rural Ireland, they (quite rightly as it turned out, because I was raised an only child) strongly disapproved of my being gay and disapproved of even any close friendships at the time (bad company) in accordance with Catholic Social Teaching and my initial contacts with the gay community after I came out were marked with non-acceptance and judgemental attitudes from other gay men, even outside of the gay scene and long before my diagnosis - coming out as having autism is in many ways similar to coming out as gay and romantic relationships are a minefield