Cosplay and Conventions

Wow two amazing stories

Hi there, I'm Amalga Heart, or just Amalga for short, and I'm new here as well, I just found this place today.

I've done cosplay for a long time, very long... I rather suspect I have far more conventions under my belt than most do, for various reasons.  A lot of experience.

For me, well... cosplay has always been very important to me, but that also creates a unique problem lately.

Cosplay has always been a couple of things to me:  firstly it's a way to sort of connect with various characters that I get extremely obsessed with (which is a common occurance for me), but also, well... it allowed me to explore my gender issues, so to speak (I'm a trans girl, to put it bluntly).  And it staved off depression in the process of doing that, at least to a degree, anyway.  I tended to get a lot of attention (validation) when cosplaying, particularly as I've always been inherently feminine in appearance even long before I realized any of my gender issues, so doing the characters I chose to do was pretty easy.  

On top of that, it provided sort of... a change of scenery.  I tend to get stir-crazy rather easily, after too much time in one area.  Being able to go to these chaotic events in these big hotels (I like hotels for some reason) was always a nice change of pace and sort of a chance to mentally recharge.  And they offered a chance to go to new places, too.  I am from Illinois... so very close to the center of the US... so I have quite a lot of reach to get to many locations.

The problem though is, well... like I said, I'd been doing this for a very long time.  But now... it's been some years since my last one.  The last one I did was in December of 2019.  Of course, the pandemic hit not long after, and that sort of cancelled any plans from that point on.  But even once things cooled down, even once it started to become safe again, I didnt go back to any.  I wondered, perhaps, if I'd simply gotten too old for it.  I dont actually look near my actual age at all (particularly when using full makeup, as I usually did while cosplaying), but still.  The feeling of "if I went and did it now, I'd just get laughed at because I'd look ridiculous" is constantly there.  

This eventually led to a sort of emotional crash.  After all, cosplay has always been a special interest of mine, and a forced disconnect from a special interest can REALLY hurt.  I doubt I have to explain too much as to the how and why of that.  I cant stop thinking about it, it's driving me crazy.

Just... ugh.  Not having anyone to talk to about it has just made it worse even.  

As for the actual experiences I've had when doing it?  Well it was... interesting.  I'm not an outgoing person.  But considering the types of outfits I'd do, combined with how I look, people tended to just constantly come to me.  Always wanting photos.  Despite my inherent paranoia and anxiety, I tend to be polite to a fault, and so when asked for something like that, I'd always agree to it, even if it was happening every 5 freaking minutes.

I should note though that I dont actually make the outfits myself... that's not a skill I have.  I'd commission others to make them for me.  I simply wore them.  I have a great deal of respect and admiration for those with the skill to actually create the outfits themselves.

The odd thing though is while I had little trouble meeting people... because they came to me... I never made lasting connections.  What with the social anxiety and whatnot, and a sort of natural reclusiveness.  Politeness is one thing, but much of the time if someone interacts with me long enough (which isnt that long) I'll get panicky.  So... yeah, no lasting connections made at any of these (when I do make lasting connections, it's online, not in-person).

A lot of memorable things happened in so many of them.  Though I'm not at all an extrovert, if you give me enough caffeine, I tend to get a bit loopy, and will tend to do things I'd *never* do under other circumstances.  Or just act differently than I otherwise would (though the social anxiety would remain).  I remember one particular time, I was in the game room for a particular con (gaming is my primary interest), playing a Robotron arcade machine, and I'd had WAY too much caffeine.  Like, way, way too much.  So a lot of jumping up and down and screaming at the machine (fortunately the game room there was very loud, you pretty much needed to shriek to be heard by anyone... not that I was yelling AT anyone, I was just incoherently reacting to the game with energy that wasnt exactly in my control anymore).  

Spent a lot of time in game rooms, really.  Fighting games, you see.  And I also love arcade games (particularly "golden age" games) and a lot of convention game rooms had a bunch of those.  

Also a lot of experiences that were extremely bizarre.  There was a talking animatronic donkey head on a table, once.  Yes, I know that sounds deranged, but I cant make this stuff up.  It was one of those "too stupid to be true" things that was true anyway.

I also have an oddly hazy memory of... something with a pickup truck.  I ended up in the back of someone's pickup truck for some reason.  Not someone I knew.  This made sense at the time, but I cant remember HOW it made sense.  I'm not sure why the memory is hazy either (I dont drink or anything like that, so none of that was involved).  But there were a lot of wonky events like that.

Also, any hotel room I stayed in tended to get destroyed.  Not by like, having some room party or something.  Just me by myself usually (on some occasions my friend and/or cousin would come with, but I was still the disastrous one).

I could say more here, but this post is already getting a bit too long, I dont want to overload anyone (though perhaps I already have?  I really dont just shut up sometimes once I get going).  

Hi Joe-NA, hope you quickly find yourself at home here. 

I have only limited experience of actual,convention-going (Doctor Who cons in the late 1990s) as I live somewhere where the sort of event I'm more comfortable at (panels, no large crowds etc.) doesn't turn up much. The big signing events scare me a bit! Social anxiety remains a lifelong challenge...

As for cosplay, I think it brings a lot of character and colour to such events. I'm way too self-consious and introverted to ever participate other than in admiration for those who are confident enough to do it. 

A little shameful confession: at one of those Doctor Who gatherings I mentioned above, my 20-ish years old self, alone, deeply self-loathing and anxoius to the core, witnessed a young teenager turn up at the entrance wearing an impressive Tom Baker scarf. I felt a kind of combination of embarrassment and envy and, out of earshot from him said (in a pathetic attempt to ingratiate myself with anyone closer by) 'There's always one, isn't there?' I absolutely hate that I said that. It was wrong, it was cowardly, and I still can't even explain why I did it. I certainly wouldn't now. He was wearing his fandom loud and proud, just as I (by showing up) professed to be doing, and if I could time travel back I'd have a word with myself and then apologise to him. 

By the end of the day, I'd chatted pleasantly to both the young fella in question and his dad - 'There's only one Doctor for me, and that's Pertwee' I remember him saying (the father I mean) and a lot of my inner cringe was gone. As it should have been. Cosplay is awesome, and these days I like to think I'd have said something like 'Fantastic scarf, love it' or something similar instead. 

We live and we learn...