Published on 12, July, 2020
I have a problem that things I say inadvertently upset some people and I don't know how to convey that what I say isn't I tended to upset or be rude how can I explain this to Atypical person in words that they would understand. I'm feeling really bad that iv made someone sad because of something I have said,how can make things right. Thanks John
The problem is it only some people care about your intent these days. It’s a rather narcissistic trait to believe that the world should psychically read your mind and then perfectly tuned the language to be exactly that that will convey the appropriate meaning in a form that you are comfortable with.
there is a significant subset of people nowadays They don’t think they ought to have to do any work to try and understand other peoples point of view or where they’re coming from in the communication. As far as they’re concerned any subtext they read into your words is absolute truth and if by some extreme improbable chance you didn’t mean to convey that subtext then it’s your fault for being insensitive enough to phrase things in a way that they could misunderstand it which is just as bad a crime in itself.
individuals like this are beyond placating and it’s pointless to try. Because they don’t believe they should have to do any work to understand what you’re trying to communicate or accept that there is any latitude for them to miss understand what you’re trying to say without you behaving maliciously or recklessly.
of course not everyone is like this. but the few who are ruin it for everyone else. now the more you apologise the more they see it as some sort of admission of guilt and try to use it as grounds to say that you were a malicious and bad actor in the first place. My advice is if someone has misunderstood your intentions politely provide a clarification and move on and draw a line under it. And if people don’t want to let you draw a line under it do not indulge those people by addressing it again and again.