Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I’m on a cruise and I’m really struggling. I had quite a severe Autistic meltdown back in January of this year where I couldn’t speak or do anything. I’m normally very independent but struggle with change, so a complete meltdown was not only unexpected but caused major problems as people just didn’t recognise who I was anymore.
Fast forward three months or so and I’m doing a lot better. I can speak again and have support to help me go out once a week at home.
Mum and Dad booked a cruise for me back in January as something to look forward to in the hope I would be fully recovered by now. I would normally be able to manage being on a cruise and going ashore on excursions with them quite well, we were only on one a year ago or so and I had a blast.
The problem is, I haven’t fully recovered and my anxiety and intrusive thoughts are really overwhelming and I am now on the cruise as I type this. Mum and Dad said to me don’t worry if you don’t feel able to leave the ship etc, even if you stay in the cabin and read and enjoy the views that’s fine.
Unfortunately I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to try and make this holiday perfect and prove to myself I’m back to normal, but it hasn’t gone that that way. I haven’t been on any excursions because as soon I leave the ship I start rocking back and forth with anxiety and want to go back onboard. Today I have managed to go ashore for thirty minutes and have a drink in a cafe before coming back onboard. Mum and Dad says that progress, but when I used to go on five hour excursions with them everyday on a cruise, I feel like a failure.
I’m so so lucky to have been able to go on holiday. I come back on Monday and I’m so looking forward to going home. Isn’t that awful of me to say that? I have had a nice holiday on the ship, it’s just the things I wanted to do and used to do I couldn’t do and that has made me feel terrible.
Sorry to go on. Has anyone else experience Autism meltdowns or setbacks / regression? I’m 28 and was only diagnosed in 2020 so it’s still all rather new to me.
Many thanks
Yep, numerous times with dentists, I still can't go to crowded places after developing social phobia, I nearly worked myself up into one last night at the thought of the GP's going totally app based for ordering repeat prescriptions. Stop beating yourself up it happens to all of us.
I've got to say I could never go on a cruise the very thought of it makes my skin crawl, not being able to get away from all those people, so well done for managing to get on board ship, I'd probably still be a jibbering heap on the dock
Thanks for replying.
Hello Starling,
I do think you are being hard on yourself. Like so many here, the mere thought of a cruise is terrifying so you have achieved so much simply by going on one. Holidays can be hard on us. I went to Suffolk on my own last year and had a few meltdowns but it gave me so much confidence to go and do more.
I was diagnosed in 2016 and I am still learning so much and will never master all there is to know so please do not put pressure on yourself.