Published on 12, July, 2020
I never talked about it, I will elaborate on everything but I am in near death autistic burnout and I have NO friends or family due to a combination of horrible family + me going Stoic 7 years ago because I was really in a permanent autistic shutdown......So now I find myself, as masking, high IQ individual from 13-40 now at 40 in literal hell......I don't know what to do and I don't know if I will be able to communicate for days after this as I frantically try to type what I can in this small time frame of energy I have.To anyone that listens....please I am begging you to return to this thread 3-4-5-6 days out if I don't respond tomorrow. I have been clinically dead 2 times and the attempts beyond that are dozens, many severe. I am NOT like that now, I am simply giving context as to how much I would appreciate my friends in this struggle coming back to offer their advice as I am in desperate need of it.I still try to type neurotypically, always defending why I say what I say with 4 addition facts, my mind is going into overdrive. Why is neurotypical and neurodivergent not corrected by spell check as proper in an autism forum? I just noticed this(my autism) as I wrote neurotypically and it came up red. There's so much I need to say and I am still battling the neurotypical brainwashing that erased my 17 year old self. I feel like I've been in a voice for 23 years.....I cannot imagine this hell for a 50yo or beyond, I can barely comprehend how much of my life has been stolen at 40......I need to stop for now, I apologize, I want to stay in this community, I haven't talked to the public in years because I gave up....
Ultimately, we end up in environments which aren't healthy, or sustainable. A lot of us had Corporate Jobs, then ended up with an axe to grind.
The Left turn to Ideology, while the Right turn to Philosophy. Though, ultimately, we need to look at the Spirit. Those led by God aren't supposed to fit in nicely. It's a trial, with tears and tantrums. But, ultimately, we get to know who we really are.
Desmond, I am feeling philosophical. I apologize for taking 28 days to respond, it's burnout and shutdown.I want your understanding of why you think philosophy is not part of spirituality when philosophy gave birth to science and is the 0 to religions and sciences -1 and +1 (and depending on who you talk to, they are interchangeable.)Philosophers both reject and embrace religion. I reject religion but accept at this time, spirituality. Religion is organized chaos with no meaning IMHO. I was raised catholic and challenged the priests at 8 years old with the Book of Job. God made a deal with Satan to kill all of Job's children, his wife. slaves, cattle.An Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient being would not be capable of such a wager knowing the suffering it would cause for PRIDE. That is one of the seven deadly sins yet in the book of Job it is a sin of the God of the OT.In the Book of Job, God does not restore the souls or bodies of Job's wife, children or slaves. He REPLACES them. I was 8 years old when I questioned this. I still haven't received an answer. Not from a priest, scholar or philosopher. I want an answer because I do believe Jesus Christ understood something few ever have. Like Buddha I greatly respect both men.I think people misunderstood both highly enlightened men. Jesus stated in Luke that "the kingdom of God is within us."Now there have been many translations of language from Greek to Latin to the romance languages. If one reads the Book of John, it is clearly different from Matthew, Mark and Luke in that Jesus chose John to live out to the end of his days and the book clearly reflects this as John (I apologize, I'm dealing with my 67 yo adult mother who wants to dye her hair pink at 1am while acting like she's 20, I'll get back to you as this conversation really is something I'd like to delve deeper into however I had no children on purpose apparently she thinks she should and could while making them her parents.)