Published on 12, July, 2020
I never talked about it, I will elaborate on everything but I am in near death autistic burnout and I have NO friends or family due to a combination of horrible family + me going Stoic 7 years ago because I was really in a permanent autistic shutdown......So now I find myself, as masking, high IQ individual from 13-40 now at 40 in literal hell......I don't know what to do and I don't know if I will be able to communicate for days after this as I frantically try to type what I can in this small time frame of energy I have.To anyone that listens....please I am begging you to return to this thread 3-4-5-6 days out if I don't respond tomorrow. I have been clinically dead 2 times and the attempts beyond that are dozens, many severe. I am NOT like that now, I am simply giving context as to how much I would appreciate my friends in this struggle coming back to offer their advice as I am in desperate need of it.I still try to type neurotypically, always defending why I say what I say with 4 addition facts, my mind is going into overdrive. Why is neurotypical and neurodivergent not corrected by spell check as proper in an autism forum? I just noticed this(my autism) as I wrote neurotypically and it came up red. There's so much I need to say and I am still battling the neurotypical brainwashing that erased my 17 year old self. I feel like I've been in a voice for 23 years.....I cannot imagine this hell for a 50yo or beyond, I can barely comprehend how much of my life has been stolen at 40......I need to stop for now, I apologize, I want to stay in this community, I haven't talked to the public in years because I gave up....
I don't think it has a specific spellchecker, it will just be using the one on your browser or device. Dunno if you can add those words like you can on word processors, not something I have considered before.
Not sure what actual advice you want? There have been threads on how to deal with burnout. I can't really advise as I don't feel I deal well with my own and only just about borderline cope with my existence. I find trusting Jesus helps, but that advice annoys some people. You did mention wanting a guardian angel though.
I can relate to feeling you could write 1000 pages but not being able to do it all at once and getting overwhelmed. I'm sure many of us here can.
I would advise that changing your NAS number to some kind of name helps us to remember who you are.
I've learned over a lifetime NOT to reveal my emotions or mode of thinking in order to protect myself from abuse. I am in a bad state with the slight possibility to recover because right before death snatched me I realized what I had and what NTs were causing me to lose in my own nuclear family.I want to apologize for wasting your time with the stupid comment on spelling. That was me in total Autistic burnout with Bi-polar type 2 hypomania(type one is the negative one, type 2 is like Autism + Autism) in other words, every gift and curse we feel x2.It has resulted in me trying to extinguish my life more times than I care to count. I only say this for context as all of that happened under the pressure of conforming to my NT family, friends and society my entire life.