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Severe Burnout, Newly Self-Diagnosed, FIRST time talking, extremely ANGRY at the FAILURE of the medical community, All suggestions much appreciated.

Kefka
6 months ago

I never talked about it, I will elaborate on everything but I am in near death autistic burnout and I have NO friends or family due to a combination of horrible family + me going Stoic 7 years ago because I was really in a permanent autistic shutdown......So now I find myself, as masking, high IQ individual from 13-40 now at 40 in literal hell......I don't know what to do and I don't know if I will be able to communicate for days after this as I frantically try to type what I can in this small time frame of energy I have.

To anyone that listens....please I am begging you to return to this thread 3-4-5-6 days out if I don't respond tomorrow. I have been clinically dead 2 times and the attempts beyond that are dozens, many severe. I am NOT like that now, I am simply giving context as to how much I would appreciate my friends in this struggle coming back to offer their advice as I am in desperate need of it.

I still try to type neurotypically, always defending why I say what I say with 4 addition facts, my mind is going into overdrive.  Why is neurotypical and neurodivergent not corrected by spell check as proper in an autism forum? I just noticed this(my autism) as I wrote neurotypically and it came up red.

There's so much I need to say and I am still battling the neurotypical brainwashing that erased my 17 year old self. I feel like I've been in a voice for 23 years.....I cannot imagine this hell for a 50yo or beyond, I can barely comprehend how much of my life has been stolen at 40......I need to stop for now, I apologize, I want to stay in this community, I haven't talked to the public in years because I gave up....

Parents
  • 6 months ago

    I don't think it has a specific spellchecker, it will just be using the one on your browser or device. Dunno if you can add those words like you can on word processors, not something I have considered before.

    Not sure what actual advice you want? There have been threads on how to deal with burnout. I can't really advise as I don't feel I deal well with my own and only just about borderline cope with my existence. I find trusting Jesus helps, but that advice annoys some people. You did mention wanting a guardian angel though.

    I can relate to feeling you could write 1000 pages but not being able to do it all at once and getting overwhelmed. I'm sure many of us here can. 

    I would advise that changing your NAS number to some kind of name helps us to remember who you are.

Reply
  • 6 months ago

    I don't think it has a specific spellchecker, it will just be using the one on your browser or device. Dunno if you can add those words like you can on word processors, not something I have considered before.

    Not sure what actual advice you want? There have been threads on how to deal with burnout. I can't really advise as I don't feel I deal well with my own and only just about borderline cope with my existence. I find trusting Jesus helps, but that advice annoys some people. You did mention wanting a guardian angel though.

    I can relate to feeling you could write 1000 pages but not being able to do it all at once and getting overwhelmed. I'm sure many of us here can. 

    I would advise that changing your NAS number to some kind of name helps us to remember who you are.

Children
  • 6 months ago in reply to AuTriker

    I've learned over a lifetime NOT to reveal my emotions or mode of thinking in order to protect myself from abuse. I am in a bad state with the slight possibility to recover because right before death snatched me I realized what I had and what NTs were causing me to lose in my own nuclear family.

    I want to apologize for wasting your time with the stupid comment on spelling. That was me in total Autistic burnout with Bi-polar type 2 hypomania(type one is the negative one, type 2 is like Autism + Autism) in other words, every gift and curse we feel x2.

    It has resulted in me trying to extinguish my life more times than I care to count. I only say this for context as all of that happened under the pressure of conforming to my NT family, friends and society my entire life.