Published on 12, July, 2020
<span;>Hi all! <span;>I'm a 32f recently diagnosed with ASD. I've tried to be very open with my friends about my diagnosis, and have spoken with them at length over the last 18 months about why I suspected I was autistic. I received some push back and reluctance at first from some of them, but recently it seemed like we were on the same page, especially my best friend who is usually always supportive of me. <span;>However a couple of days ago he was asking me and my partner about children and our thoughts on having them, and I explained that my diagnosis was an important factor that we were considering in our decision. He then proceeded to say that nobody would want an autistic child, and everybody would rather have a "nice, normal child". <span;>I found this hugely offensive and downright wrong, and we had an arguement where he also said that it seemed like I was "using autism as an excuse" for things I didn't want to do, and that "you could do lots of things if you wanted, you just need discipline". As if I am just not trying hard enough to be more "normal" and functioning. <span;>The level of ignorance truly shocked me, as we have had dozens of in depth conversations about the symptoms of autism and how I am personally affected, and what the psychiatrists have recommended for me. I knew there was some reluctance on his side to accept it before I had a formal diagnosis but I thought surely now I have one I would get acceptance. I ended up getting very upset and had to walk away for a bit. He apologised and said he didn't mean for it to come off as an attack, he has just seen my potential and wants the best for me. <span;>So my question is basically has anyone had similar experiences and been met with a lack of understanding from friends or family, and how do you deal with that? Despite all the chats we've had about autism he said he still doesn't get it, so I was thinking of making a quick PowerPoint presentation, sum up my struggles, clips from sources that help explain it to him in a way he might understand, etc. But I'm worrying that is asking too much from a friendship, taking too much energy/effort/accomodation from the other party. <span;>What do you think, could that help? When I mentioned it to him he did seem open to the idea, but his ignorant comments have left me feeling deflated and hurt because I thought he already understood a great deal. <span;>Not sure how to proceed. Thank you for reading all this!
You're the same person as you were before diagnosis, the person that your friend liked and found things in common with, maybe you could ask him why your diagnosis has effected him so much? I think this really is his problem and not yours and it seems like he has some deep seated fears about being around or associated with people who arn't "normal".
I'm gob smacked but not surprised at the comments about having children, I'd turn the question around and ask 'why wouldn't you want an autistic child?'. If autism was as problematic as sp many people think, then we wouldn't be here, we'd have naturally died out as for generations no one would have children with us. That's even if you believe that theres a genetic link to autism.
I wouldn't be able to be this accomodating to someone I thought of as a friend, I would of retreated in a puddle of confusion and hurt and probably never of spoken to them again. I have had people say similar stuff to me and I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart.