Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey everyone
I would very much appreciate your feedback on telling your child about their neurodivergence. My 9 year old son had his therapy session today and his therapist has said that we need to have that talk in preparation for his assessment which is about 5 months away. She said it is best not to leave it as he can at least have time to accept it instead of dealing with that and the assessment all at once. This is going to be the hardest conversation I have ever had and it’s making me so anxious. How do you tell your 9 year old little boy who you love dearly in a way that doesn’t appear negative. I want him to know in a way that we can celebrate his differences and look on it in a positive manner. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as I know some people on here would have been in the same position.
Thank you in advance
Thank you so much.
Very well written by the way!!
Sometimes I wonder if when psychology introduced the term 'personality', it was received the same. We live in a world that tells us we can have it all, we can do anything so long as we put our minds to it, and to create prohibition or 'rules' is a fear tactic limiting freedom. But all of these are incredibly false perceptions. No one desires untethered freedom, that's the equivalent of floating adrift in space. It is grounding, inhibitions and limits which aid growth and becoming. Further, the fantasy of 'anything I desire' is a life without focus or purpose. The ego doesn't gain momentum in a sort of gluttony.
What I mean is, at some point we all gain a little wisdom, recognise our limits and strengths, what makes us unique and what makes us human. But most of the world arrive here somewhere between 50-85. Today, we're having these discussions with children who've yet to learn how to embrace failure as a fish would the riverbank.
Autism, like ADHD and dyslexia are simply evolutionary differences that, in a different time in history, didn't require a diagnostic. They are human 'types' with strengths and skills needed to keep the tribe/community alive. The last thing you should do is make any sort of big production with this, as it's not. All kids really need is a few good practical rules to live by, a future to look forward to and to feel loved by their parents.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where the majority can have such an unchecked bias to one mode of operation, relating with, perception and understanding, that it's become a safety measure to diagnose. But most anyone I speak with are baffled that sensible adjustments even need to be made and that school policies have become the way they are: incredibly unreasonable in general. If it is Autistic kids pushing against a demanding and unaccountable society at large, consider them lucky. Yes, I have to be a little more self reflective than my peers, but I hardly consider this a bad thing.
The best a diagnostic has to offer is a support in self confidence (contrast with arrogance, which involves being unaware). Not worrying about small things, such as difficulty tying a shoe: "Fear not, I've just bought you these cool shoes without laces" You simply have a guide which helps everyone manage expectations. If he were colourblind, you could paint his room in a colour palette that appealed and do things which accentuated his better night vision. Being autistic isn't unique to him. It's a potential like any other and someday he'll look back thankful you helped him to build on his abilities and helped him not worry about challenges, either provided options to work around or just didn't make too much of them.
Make the extraordinary ordinary. This is a game changer.
Thank you Chloe that’s much appreciated
Hi Take5,
Thank you for sharing this with the community. You may find it helpful to have a look at out information from the NAS on ways you can support your child whilst discussing their neurodivergence and upcoming assessment:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/broaching-the-subject/partners-friends-colleagues
I hope this helps,
ChloeMod