Published on 12, July, 2020
I asked this question elsewhere else recently but I thought I’d ask here too as I’m curious.
I got into a bit of an argument with a friend recently due to a misunderstanding between ourselves. We were talking about something personal and then a couple of days later she messaged me to say that I made her feel bad because I apparently got “defensive” as we were talking.
I was really confused by this because I didn’t think I *was* being defensive (still don’t) but obviously that’s how I came across to her. Anyway, it got me wondering if this was an autistic thing and apparently it is. I read a blog post from an autistic woman saying how our facial expressions and tone of voice can be mismatched with our real feelings, so in a NT orientated world we are often misunderstood based on these things alone. It would explain why so many autistic get accused of being “rude” when they aren’t.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
Sorry to hear you had an argument with your friend. It really is impossible to judge as we weren't there and we don't know the nature of the argument. But in most arguments it's very rare for either party to admit they've done anything wrong, so I wouldn't really call it a mainly ASD thing. I'm more impressed by people who blow up at me and then apologise at a later date, it shows emotional intelligence and maturity.
Try to learn from it what you can and don't take it to heart, arguments happen, but the important thing is you get back on with your life and don't let it worry you. Hope you two can hang out again and have a great time.
Oh, I wasn’t really expecting an opinion on my specific situation (as you say, you weren't there). That’s water under the bridge now, but I appreciate your comment all the same. As it happens, I apologised for any upset caused and it has made me more mindful of what I’m saying.
I was just wondering about other ND people’s experiences with this sort of thing. It’s not so much about admitting wrong doing, but rather issues we face with communication.
This is the blog post I was referring to for what it’s worth. It’s a good analysis of what I was getting at.
https://autisticscienceperson.com/2021/01/09/neurotypicals-listen-to-our-words-not-our-tone/