Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
Lately, I have been feeling depressed and down with my moods, but this has increased after I had a falling out with a friend who genuinely insulted me after knowing each other for nearly 5 years. I have cut this person out of my life, but I can't get the insults or what he said to me in his messages.
He insulted my Intelligence, which is hurtful sadly I have had people say this to me all my life for whatever reason, I am not low functioning, I have high functioning but I am not that upset about that insult In particular.
I am more hurt about what he thought, calling me a waste of space, a wasteful friend and a distraction, he also said I cannot commit to anything, and he turned into a massive pri*K after he joined the German Police. I have talked countless times to him about what I wanted to do, which has always been to join the UK Police. Well yes, I was annoyed that people can easily join a job and get accepted without even thinking about it. But I was happy he joined, but then he knew I felt down about it but I never expressed it to him. But he used to come home and gloat about his new job blah blah and How I would never get in the Police here.
But sometimes I sit and just think maybe he was right, perhaps I am a waste of space and stuff, and it annoys me that he had no sympathy for what he was doing. I just feel I am digging myself a deeper hole and I can't not get out of it. I have started to get a really bad migraine again because I am constantly stimming and overthinking about everything.
If you have any advice for what I can do to cheer my moods up or help me stop overthinking or stimming, I would greatly appreciate it.
I don't know if this'll help, but I've realized the reason I overthink about things when someone treats me badly or weirdly, is that I wrongly think everybody is like me. I tend to trust people BY DEFAULT for this reason, cause I think everybody's mind works like mine, so when they do something hurtful and weird, I get super confused and overthink it, like: Why did they do that? That's so obviously wrong! I would know not to do that.
But after learning I'm probably autistic, I've realized that people's brains can be extremely different. I think it doesn't matter how much you try to understand why your 'friend' acted like that, you won't really get it.
And you might start feeling guilty like I do in these situations, thinking it was your fault. It is NOT! I've no control over how people think or feel about me. I tried really hard to be likable during my intense masking era, but I just can't control everything, I can't control how people think, feel, and I can't stop their mean acts.
And a theory: maybe another reason why autistic people might overthink about social situations, is that neurotypicals have this set of social rules, and they don't always obey them, but will sometimes get upset if we don't. Maybe the overthinking is partly because we get confused about how neurotypicals can just randomly abandon their own rules. For example in your case, it could be the rules of being nice, or not showing off, not insulting.