Can anyone restore my faith in humanity?

I don't claim to be a good person, but I am aspirational to be a better person.

Doing genuinely good works, seems to actaully require a fair bit of forethought and planning and is more difficult most times than being a bad person. And almost always genrates a negative profit.. 

Here's an example from my past: It's the middle of winter and I'm 42 years old sitting in my dads van, eating a sandwich whilst helping him do a job.

I see an old guy with a plastic bag going through the bins behind the shop minding his own business but extracting vegetables from the bins, and decide that I am consoiderablly better off than he is and maybe I could share my wealth a bit as I have a twenty in my wallet. I get it out and palm it, and get out of the car and go over for a littlle chat. Yeah, he's clearly a very poor older person managing as well as he can, and claims to be harvesting the vegetables for his rabbit. I chat with him for a couple of minutes and carefully drop the twenty into his vegetable bag without him noticing, then when the moment is right finish the chat, and return to the van. 

Dear old dad is of course al over me when I get back asking why am I talking to that bloke, do I know him etc. So I tell him what I've just done. He pauses, lloks at me, and tells me that he's "never seen any good in me before that day"...  

Just the way it goes I guess.

"The poor will always be with us". 

Genuine opportunities to do good also tend to arrive at the worst possible times, making the choice not as easy as you'd expect.

My neighbour used to have a routine where he'd leave his house and help as many homeless people as he could with a small amount of disposable income. He also used to, without asking, mow our front grass and put our bins out. Until one day getting off the bus after his usual routine, some random stranger attacked him and put him in hospital.and he never fully recovered. He's now in a hospice, his estranged wife's kid seems to be living there, and they put out our bins still, but now I mow the frontages and do their rear lawn as well.

If you try and do good on a bigger scale the obstacles become mroe formidable, you have to really want to. ME. Like most people, am just seeking to try and add a bit of weight on the good side of htings, I don't care if anyone else knows what I did, in fact it's often easier if they don't. I'm not doing it to qualify for "eternal life" or even make the world a better place.

It's more like a choice of "style".

I'd rather be a poor man living a rich life, than a rich man liivng a poor life... 

Genuine opportunities to do good also tend to arrive at the worst possible times, making the choice not as easy as you'd expect.

My neighbour used to have a routine where he'd leave his house and help as many homeless people as he could with a small amount of disposable income. He also used to, without asking, mow our front grass and put our bins out. Until one day getting off the bus after his usual routine, some random stranger attacked him and put him in hospital.and he never fully recovered. He's now in a hospice, his estranged wife's kid seems to be living there, and they put out our bins still, but now I mow the frontages and do their rear lawn as well.

If you try and do good on a bigger scale the obstacles become mroe formidable, you have to really want to. ME. Like most people, am just seeking to try and add a bit of weight on the good side of htings, I don't care if anyone else knows what I did, in fact it's often easier if they don't. I'm not doing it to qualify for "eternal life" or even make the world a better place.

It's more like a choice of "style".

I'd rather be a poor man living a rich life, than a rich man liivng a poor life... 

Oh and it is easier and more fulfilling if the kindness is anonymous for me. If one must crow, the kind action becomes about the benefactor themselves, not the succor they've provided. The aid just becomes a McGuffin to the story of themselves. I believe in you and your deep desire to feel that authentic connection.