Autistic Spouse abandoned me after 14 years of marriage and tuned nasty and abusive

Hi,

I am new here and just need some help and support.  My spouse (diagnosed in early 20s) has just left the marriage and has been manipulated by my In Laws (also on spectrum).  I have been abused by In Laws since before we were married and I love my spouse so very much, that one day before New Year I was woken up (I'm bedridden due to long term illnes) with a drink and then spouse said they were leaving me and got nasty and left.

3 days before spouse was telling me they loved me and ML to me.  Spouse knew I may have cancer due to symptoms and I had to go for biopsy that has confimred this.  I am heartbroken.  In Laws had been so abusive and spouse witness this over the years (including accusing our still born children of being the antichrist).  In Law said I was unclean, unholy and not good enough for Jesus.  In laws have never shown me love, always critical and even asking me to be physically hit my spouse whilst grabbing and shaking me.  It has been on more than one occasion, whilst saying my spouse couldn't cope without them.

Spouse was married before and by coicidence their first spouse had the same illness.  Mine developed after marriage and I gave up my job and even all my money to invest in the marriage. Spouse said they couldn't cope doing household chores and helping with cooking with their first spouse and accused them of having a fake illness and being lazy.  In Law also told me the first spouse was domestically violent and also admitted doing some abusive things to first spouse.  Also claimed the 1st Spouse was crazy, depressed and suicidal.  Also said they help plot to help spouse leave 1st spouse and cleared everything out of the home and blindsided this spouse.

They were married 18 months.  Like a fool I believed this, as I am nuerotypical.  Over the years I have put up with spouse as spouse number 2, of spuse kecking and pounching holes in doors walls, destroying tables and breaking their own bones in their rage, which I put down to Autism.  Spouse did improve temper, but then In Law started meddling after we lost a baby and came to our home and tried to remove my spouse and force them to go back to their parents (my In laws) house and get a divorce.  In Law tried bombarding my spouse with phone calls, using different phones, for hours at a time.  I was told In Laws were abusive and not to have contact with them because they may try and do something even in a restuarant to my food.

We went Gray Rock and it was okay, we were happy, but spouse got covid and could have died.  I was exhausted as I had to use all my energy with my illness looking after us both.  I conctacted In Laws to tell them about the spouse being in hspital and we agreed to meet at a restuarant once a year.  End of last year, In Law did add stuff to my food and was abusive, whilst spouse and other family members just froze and said nothing.

I mentioned to spouse that we needed to avoid them and get advice because of what I was warned against years before.  Spouse spoke to in laws who keen to destroy our marriage in the words of my spouse on the day they left 'plotted to extract them from the marriage.'  Of course the abuse was denied and they manipulated spouse so the things witnessed and ssen against me were reframed and now I was the liar.

Spouse over the last 5 weeks of marriage errupted in autistic rages, doing juvenille stff by adding things to my food over flaoiring it, which caused an additional health problem that reulted in Low Potassium and a food allergy and made me vomit every day and be bedridden.

Had no source of hot water for 2 months, as boiler broke and I spent all my energy cleaning, to have spouse reclutter the home.  We live in a hoard.  SPouse had a hoard when I met them, which I foolishly thought was from 1st spouse of theirs.  Also kept finding spouse's phone on record screen and spouse was raging at me, goading, gaslighting me, shouting at me and being nasty.  I kept asking them to talk as they made me cry and I said it was probably a nuerotypical / aspie communicaton issue, but spouse shut down.

SPouse tried to tell a friend that they were 'in fear for their life as they felt I had the potential to be domestically violent and frightened I would commit suicide.'  Freiend rightly said spouse was telling fibs as spouse couldn't give any example and had been using strange language and pitch and unusaual body language.  GP andother people have confirmed Aspie spouse is lying.

SPouse also gave strange reasons for potential lies and started moving objects to gas light me and insinuate I was crazy.  I did not know spouse income, spnt all my life savings in the marriage, had no joint account and spouse has now left since I said spouse had to pay for things.  I would have been mortgage free, illness free and in a job with a great salary and non-contirbutory pension if I had not married spouse.  Now I face homelessness, unable to work due to long term ilnness made worse by the In Laws abuse.  I have to sign on and where home has missing ceilings where spouse wouldn't do anything (I did until I burnt out), it will be worth less.

SPouse had been recording me and goading me and being nasty, shouting at me, in an attempt to falsely paint me as an abuser.  It hasn't worked, because it would reveal their abuse.  Even tried pulling me down the stairs when I offered to help look for something that would have revealed them leaving.

I am so heart broken.  Spouse refused to talk and has even lied to legal representatives, trying to make me look like an abuser.  Medical and officials have said I am the victim of abuse from spouse and spouse is lying.  I am alone bedridden 16 hours of the day, facing cancer and dealing with a hoard and divorce which spouse initiated without me knowing from their parents home is due to happen in 6 months.

Discovered from several people who knew spouse and spouse's 1st Spouse that the behaviur spouse is using to leaving our marriage is identicle, even down to false accusations of abuse and saying I will try and commit suicide.  Again In Laws were driving force behind it.  SPouse appears to have taken offense that I needed 6 weeks bed rest due to several health conditions meaning I couldn't get out of bed and didn't want to use the batch meals I prepared or wipe down the cooker and clean the bathroom.  Blamed me because I nagged that the food areas needed cleaning due to spouse having diagnosed poor immune system and I didn't want them ill again.  I said I needed to rest, but spouse left when I no longer had money, unable to do everything and was burnt out by illness.

Used same excuses and method as they lef their previous spouse, who I have found out wasn't crazy or violent and genuinely too ill to be.  I will be lucky if I can have a besit, when previously I had a 2 bedromm semi with garage and good job.

Spouse has taken files, photos, even destroyed personal items whilst I was alssp resting because spouse decided they didn't want me to have the memories.  Now In laws have their nearly 50 year old child back and my elderly parents had to come and look after me whilst GP got test results back that diagnosed low potassium and cancer.  I no longer have allergies or vomit since spouse left, so we cannot prove thisbut think too much salt to food and other spices caused my muscle and heart weakness.

Any advice for how to move on.  I am alone here with no friends, as SPosue was terified of catching covid again and I was unable to get hair cut, socialise (energy meant I couldn't) or go out shopping or for clothes.  SPouse had full contol over my life, including me begging for money.  Now I am having to sign on and cannot work due to health.  ALl my last savings (a couple of thousand) are going on legal fees and other expenses.  I have dropped a stone in 3 weeks due to stress and illness.

I am learning from other I know on the spectrum that Aspie spouse's behaviour is abusive and most people on the spectrum feel its no excuse.  It feels worng that spouse is reusing previous lies and marriage exit stretegy to deliberately hurt me and bully me.  One moring I woke up with spouse loving me and then announcing they were leaving me and had plotted it with my abusive in laws.  In 1 hour, my life was destroyed and I am heartbroken.  Then I learnt I have been recorded even when I was alone, but spouse has legally denied this.

Sorry for long email, but I just wanted some kind of support from both A and NTs.  I feel like I am in hell, I loved and trusted spouse so much and I have been told by health expert I may never be given a reason, but it is likely spouse didn't want to maintain home.  I never asked them to hoover or clean the floor (its disgusting) and their is mold and dust in a room where they worked at home because they have plants in there and never cleaned.  I couldn't get in there due to hoard and I have several rooms in a hoeard that spouse expects me to sort out and then move back into a tidy home after I've been evicted.

Read that some Aspies don't do house work or feel its not their responsibility.  Even though I was in bed when spouse got covid, I saved spouses life and had to cook meals etc, which is why my health has never recovered because I couldn't rest.  Spouse even refused to get me a Christmas card and gift and said In laws had changed spouse's mind in just 5 weeks.

Any advice?

Heartbroken and alone.