Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I have never felt like I have ''masked'' my behaviour before, and instead have just become confused/fustrated when people don't like my behaviour or understand my thought processes. I equally don't understand their behaviour or thought processes. As I have ''grown up'' and am starting to enter the work force, I am finding it increasingly difficult to deal with social communication and routines. I have felt an increasing pressure to ''mask'' my behaviour and follow scripts to help with everyday conversation. The diagnosis I have of OCD doesn't accurately reflect all the other difficulties in social communication and sensory difficulties that I have.
However, It gives me anxiety I feel in my chest every time I think about going to the GP to start the conversation about an autism referal. I am worried because my main problem is that I simply don't know if I'm autistic or not - and I need to start that conversation in order to get the best support as I attempt to become more independant. I am worried that my GP will just dismiss me without allowing a discussion to occur, which is what happened last time I brought up the subject to my psychologist when I was 13. I am worried even if I get a diagnosis that I will be seen as ''making it up'' or ''not really autistic,'' even though all the difficulties I face are accurate to my experience.
My main reason for wanting to seek a diagnosis now is because:
- Despite not feeling that I need to ''mask'' (change) my behaviour, entering the ''wider world'' and conversing with more people I am increasingly feeling pressure to change the way I naturally behave.
- I have often been critised by being told that ''the way I walk and the way my face looks'' is wrong (yet they wouldn't tell me what I need to do in order to do it right.) I have also been told my volume of voice is ''too loud'' and ''people think [I] am shouting'' - something I did change because they told me what the issue was and what I needed to do (''lower your volume and vary it as needed.'') I have been critised for the way I move my body (rocking myself, walking around in circles) and for the way I converse (always about the same range of topics, and a difficulty to engage in topics that don't interest me - even if I think I have appropriately conversed in others' interests.)
- I often misinterpret what other people have said, and I struggle to understand when they try to tell me what it is they meant. Similarly, people tell me that the choice of words that I use don't accuratly represent what I am trying to tell them, even though it makes sense to me and I struggle to choose new words so that they understand me.
-- Yet, I often understand clearly what people who are autistic are trying to tell me and they seem to understand me as well.
--- It is thought the breakdown in communication between autistic and non-autistic is the difference in neurotype. If I am non-autistic, then that would bring the question of why I am able to easily converse with autistic people and struggle with basic communication with non-autistic people.
- I struggle with change to routines and adapting to fit the new routine. This, I feel, is what is making it difficult for me to get a job and also be successful at the job.
- I struggle with understanding the intricacies of different rules, and become very confused if the rules aren't clearly explained. This is what makes it hard to be successful at a job, because people at the job tell me to ''use my intuition'' but yet, when I use my ''intuition'' the people tell me that I am doing the job wrong. However, they won't tell me what the right thing to do is and tell me it's ''intuitive'' (clearly not?)
- People often tell me that I have said something in a rude or aggressive way, but I haven't intended to behave in such a manner and I did not think the way I was behaving was rude or aggressive. I thought I was behaving similarly to those around me, and I don't know what I am doing different or why people are interpreting my behaviour as different.
- Despite believing that I am looking after myself well, my parents often comment on my inability to look after myself in regards to preparing adequate food and keeping myself clean/tidy.
- There are then sensory difficulties in regards to different sounds, smells and textures but I just try really hard to avoid these things that cause sensory difficulties.
I was wondering if anybody can help me with a script I can use with the GP to help with asserting (politely) that I would like a diagnosis referal.
Thank-you,
Jayde.
When I did my GP referral years ago (which ultimately went nowhere due to NHS failures) it was actually during lockdown. I wrote a message to the GP saying that I think I might have autism and gave my AQ10/AQ50 results and asked if I could be referred for diagnosis. I think that is really all you need to do in the first instance.
You could print the AQ results out and take them to the doctor in case you need them, but the only thing you really need to do is say that you think you have autism, at that point it's up to the doctor to get the required information from you for making a referral, you don't need a script, just be prepared in case they ask you questions.
My doctor wanted more information before doing a referral. In a face-to-face appointment it probably would have been him asking me questions, but as this was during lockdown and done entirely via written messages, he wrote some questions to me and I answered those, basically detailing what struggles I have etc. It basically is the things you wrote in your post - tell them those things if they ask why you think you have autism.