Published on 12, July, 2020
Are we over thinking our reactions behaviours ect. after masking for so long? I dont think i thought about my behaviour ect. so much before i discovered that i was autistic. I know that i am not masking as much as i was, and it feels good. My contact with people is limited from choice, and im ok with that. I think that its realising i dont have to be with people, if i dont want to be.
Diagnosed at 50, now 54. I knew I was diffrent and spent massive amounts of energey trying to fit in and not look diffrent. Shortly after diagnosis I lost me day, mum went into care and we had Covid and I had a massive melt down. Still not recovered, lost my mum in 2022. I now expect less from myself, don't get into situations I don't like, and give myself a day at the weekend with nothing to do. It puts strain on my marrage, like my wife wants us to go to a wedding in July (during the big local airshow that is related to my obsessive hobby) of which she knows the bride a bit and a couple of others a bit, I know nobody what so ever, and its 3 hours away. So that is autistic hell and I have said no, I am not popular.
I have a similar problem.
My wife always says I never want to do anything even though I do a lot more than I probably should. I’m quite comfortable and happy about going on holiday as I’m with my family and that’s ok but just don’t like being in a forced situation with people I don’t know. I’m not sure I have ever suffered a burnout yet although around 3 months ago I was in a very dark place trying to make sense of it all. How long can burnout last?? I’m lucky in that I work for myself and alone so contact with people is limited and short, I’m guessing that’s how I’ve been able to manage for all these years. Is your partner Nt? Mine is and there is very little understanding tbh.
Hope your situation improves
I am also married to an NT...for 23 years. He says he's fine with my situation because I'm the same person I've always been. And of course I am not. Because he knows the masking me...even IF my autistic nature has peeked out occasionally. But he tries very hard to not force me into doing anything I'm uncomfortable with socially. I could go on and on. But I feel like he thinks my needs are, for lack of a better word, "superficial". Like if you're cold you put on a sweater. There is no real sweater for being autistic. It's my core. It can't BE fixed and I am not even going to allow one thought like that in my brain. Being autistic isn't my problem. It's society's to accommodate.
If society outnumbers you, it soon becomes YOUR problem, not theirs.