Published on 12, July, 2020
Dear Anyone.
Was born with Asperger's, Cerebral Palsy, Hydrocephalus and Dyspraxia. They all come out in my face, making of me an ugly bar steward! Thing IS - that seems to be some sort of lifelong crime - punishment, complete ostracism coupled with loads of beatings up and robberies! Keeping this succint, because it's the same cycle repeating itself (but I don't know how to break it, which is how come I'm writing this!) I try to join in somewhere, get told I'm too ugly/too stupid, either get physically bashed up (had all my teeth kicked out, head caved in, boiling water chucked over me giving me permanent leg ulcers, stab wounds....) or just ignored by all the others and whenever there's anything communal going on, I'm not included, believe! I started off my life in London, would go to school and get bashed up, come home and get smacked up by Dad for being stupid enough to get beaten up at school, go out to try to play with the other kids and get taunted and smacked up by them. As the years went on, the cops moved me to different flats, all of which got burgled empty and I got smacked up. A Lot! So they moved me down to Hastings where I spent 20 years being the Town Monster. All my flats burgled empty, me bashed up loads, banned from everywhere because it was easier banning me than the others who were having a go at me - if I wasn't there, the others couldn't have goes at me, could they, so the logic went. Went to disability colleges, got all my quals. despite everyone saying I wouldn't get any, wasn't allowed to join in with any of the extracurricular activities, the others wouldn't let me. I remember the final passing out party. I went into the room where it was being held, found a table with an empty chair, smiled at the others 'Is that chair taken?' They said 'no', so I sat6 down. Silence. Then the BIG autistic guy opposite stood up and shoved his face in mine. 'You got the chair. F off with it!' And all the others laughed. You'd've thought other disabled people would be more accepting - but nope. They're not. They're just as bad as neurotypicals. Trust me. (They even made a documentary about me - Tormented Lives. It's on YouTube. Nope, I'm not asking anyone to watch it, just saying it for proof.)
Thing IS - I'm 55 now. How many other 55 year olds do you know who've never socialised despite trying to loads and loads, been kicked out of groups FOR disabled people and never understood why (the last one was a Brighton group for Asperger's - I went 3 times, on the 4th time the neurotypical lady who ran it said 'I can't have you here infecting the others any more' and gave me the bum's rush. Nope, I don't know what she meant by that but I'm not going back to find out!) I've never had friends, never been part of any groups, I've spent my whole life in solitary confinement watching it all and longing to be part of it. . I've volunteered for many, many things, everything I can find or think of BUT - you neurotypicals do NOT want us disableds around, do you. When was the last time you saw a disabled person volunteering for a disability charity? Nope - me neither. I've volunteered for every charity, every charity shop I can find and been turned down for the lot. In London, Hastings and Brighton. Was put in a Group Home at one point where there were loads of activities - which I wasn't allowed to join in with because they couldn't get funding for me. So I had to sit and watch the others for 4 years till the place got closed down and I was moved to Brighton. Tried Possability People in Brighton, never gotten them to let me join in anything. Am banned from a large amount of places here because other people complain about having to look at me. Ended up banned from just about the whole of Hastings - it was silly! My parents and sister moved from the house to a big ground floor flat and didn't even tell me, I didn't know where they were for a year till I happened to see my sister going into a place. She'd spent about 2 years living in the flat above mine and never come in to say 'Howdy' once. She's got a fiance now and is incredibly reluctant to let me go see them, she'll talk to me on the phone but won't let me visit. And yet I don't want to go my entire life not being allowed to join in with humanity just because I'm an ugly sod. Literally, everything that's happened to the Elephant Man's happened to me. That's my movie. Except he could leave this world by just laying down and going to sleep. I envied him that greatly at the end of the film, wish I could. Surely there's SOME way to say 'Yes. OK. I'm ugly. Live with it. I have to. Can't you look at me as a PERSON and not just a monster cos I don't look the same as you?' Thing IS - that's where the Asperger's gets in the way, bigtime. Other people have had a lifetime of experiences WITH other people so they know how to socialise and fit in. I don't. All I've known is being booted out of places. Now think of Mowgli - if he hadn't had a Raksha, he'd never have fitted in with the wolves. She taught him how to. Is there a Raksha-equivalent to teach me how to fit in and get people past the ugliness? I'd love to be helping out and be part of groups but everyone's so scared of my ugliness, I dunno how to get to do it. And as far as general conversation and things goes - imagine you're in China. Everyone's smiling at you nicely - but they're speaking Chinese and you can only speak English. That's what it feels like. I can't follow soap operas because I've got no idea WHY anything's happening, it all seems so illogical. Please, can anyone here help me learn how to integrate without being terrified all the time? I've had enough of the fear, I just wanna join in with Life.Yours hopefullyChris.
NAS37826 said:I try to join in somewhere, get told I'm too ugly/too stupid, either get physically bashed up (had all my teeth kicked out, head caved in, boiling water chucked over me giving me permanent leg ulcers, stab wounds....)
It’s extremely important in cases like this that you go to the police. I hope that you did. Assault is a serious crime and when it’s motivated by someones disability it is a hate crime.
I also want to point out that facial disfigurement is by definition in the equality act defined as a form of disability and that therefore refusing someone entry to a shop or restaurant or any other business because of a facial disfigurement is going to be disability discrimination. I am not a lawyer this is not legal advice, but in my opinion if you are banned from places because people have complained about your appearance it would probably be worth you taking legal advice or at least doing some research into equality law.
Dear Nas37826. Yup - you're absolutely right but they've got a caveat. If something's a privately-owned business - and cafes and pubs count as privately owned businesses - they've got no legal requirement to serve you. They can serve or not serve anyone they choose, either way. When I got booted off Brighton Pier because my face (apparently, according to the Beeg Bouncer) scares the tourists, I went and got legal advice and t hat's what they told me - the pier had no legal need to let me on because it was a privately owned business. Same with the bars I'm banned from.If I took them all to Court and had the money for looong court cases, I'd prob. win the discrimination suit for sure. But they still wouldn't have any legal requirement to serve me so it would be a Pyrrhic victory at best! Thing is - I'm between both worlds. I've got one foot in the world of the Neurodiverse, t'other in that of the Neurotypical. Which means neither side knows what to do with me - each tries to get rid of me by pushing me in the other's direction. I try to be a bridge of ideas between both sides, which sometimes works - but the Neurotypicals don't like thinking a Neurodiverse - in their eyes - can talk to them on their level, so they never listen. Example - think of buses. 30 Neurotyypicals want to go downtown, they get on one single decker bus. 30 disabled people in wheelchairs want to go downtown, they have to wait for 30 buses (one wheelchair space per bus!) Cure - make ALL the seats on the lower deck flip up so wheelchairs can get between the seats. I've been hawking that one round the bus companies for years. Do any of them ever listen? Yours respectfullyChris.
ahhh GPs are rubbish these days and dont do anything at all lol so no way that would happen.im hoping my eye injury was sufficient enough to win, i had plenty of photos of it and evidence.
I can't coment on your case. also this is not legal advice. But I do know getting a personal injury claim for mental health damage is realy realy hard. Much harder than physical injury. Courts generally want to see medical evidence of a serious effect on a persons mental health, which usualy means a psycologiest report, so unless someone were one of the very few to actually get sent to a psycyatrist by their GP over work related stress they probably wouldn't have medical evidence to satisfy a judge.
Courts tend to take physical injuries, esspecialy those with lasting effects, much more seriously.
ahhh so thats why my tribunal lawyer didnt respond he probs thought it wasnt worth the money lolseems pretty hard to actually get a win then on this. i had a tribunal ignored, a stress injury claim with emotional damage turned down, and my eye injury seems doomed to fail just because the defendant denied liability and made lies up and i had proof and even proved they lied and still all my evidence isnt enough so i dunno how anyone wins in this system even when you have solid documented proof and witnesses and recordings to make it bomb proof you still get so much doubt as if you cant win.
employment tribunals work on a difrent system to the regular civil courts. Normally if you win in an employent tribunal you don't get any extra money towards paying your lawyer. You have to pay the lawyer out of your compensation money. That means if your lawyer thinks you'll win but not get a lot of compensation they still won't take your case.
In a discrimination in services case in small claims court you might only get a few thousand pounds. You won't get more than 10000£ otherwise it's very unlikely to be delt with in the small clames court in the first place. It's just not worth a lawyer getting involved in a case that's only going to result in 1000-3000£ of damages when their costs might actually be more than that.
It's called injury to feelings. Basicly the judge awards you compensation for the emotional distress so unless you think you can convince a judge the emotional distress amounts to more than 10000£ worth you're likely going to small claims court where you're unlikely to find a no win no fee lawyer. In the fast / multi track court you won't get a no win no fee lawyer there either because if they loose not only do they not get paid under that system they have to pay the other sides lawyer (or you do).
Thats why qualified one way cost shifting is important. Personal injury claims are often for more than 10000£ so the special rule in those cases is if the injured person wins the other side pays for the injured persons lawyer if the injured person looses they pay nothing to the other sides lawyer. So what lawyers do is they cut a deal with the injured person. they say 'ok if I win the other side pays my fee, but I might loose and get nothing, so if I do win I want a bit extra out of your compensation.' that way it's worth their while even if they loose the odd case. with out qualified one way cost shifting no win no fee lawyers probably wouldn't exist because if they loose either they or you would have to pay the other sides lawyer.
i know solicitors do no win no fee discrimination employment tribunals anyways, i was running my case through a few of them and one of them blanked me as i think he realised i dont have enough of a case and the other one told me its only no win no fee if i dont still work there for that employer. so it depends on each solicitor they all have different terms it seems.
Caelus said:no win no fee lawyer
You can't really get those for discrimination cases. I ran a whole petition about this. It's because discrimination cases don't have qualified one way cost shifting (and personal injury cases do).
However when I filed my court case I got a discount on court fees because my income was considered low. I belive if you are poor enough you can get a 100% discount on court fees. Of course if you don't end up in the small clames court you might be asked to pay the other sides lawyer if you loose. But the vast majority of cases end up in small claims court where you usually only have to pay for your own lawyer (the assumtion being you won't have one, the small claims system is desined to encurage people to go lawyerless)
you dont need money for a court battle, pick a no win no fee lawyer... ofcourse then the risk is on the lawyer, they will hear your case, if they believe they cant win it they will likely go silent on you and not get back to you as with a no win no fee system they only get paid if they win, and they take all the cost and time waste if they lose. so they really only want solid cases they can win... its worth finding no win no fee solicitors and speaking to them about this stuff as if you have a case that can be won they will gladly take it... if your case cant be won then they wont get back to you and its no loss anyway.although winning does seem hard even when your in the right and feel your case is solid... i think on no win no fee basis the lawyers are very strict and have no confidence in any case and act really pessimistic as after all its their risk if it fails.
NAS37826 said:I went and got legal advice and t hat's what they told me - the pier had no legal need to let me on because it was a privately owned business. Same with the bars I'm banned from.
Respectfully, get legal advice again. From a soliciter who's familer with the equality act (2010). It's a comone misconseption that a private buisness can refuse service to anyone for any reason but it's not true.
Here is an artical writen by a solicitor on the topic https://www.milnerslaw.co.uk/can-i-choose-my-customers-the-right-to-refuse-service-in-uk-law
NAS37826 said:If I took them all to Court and had the money for looong court cases, I'd prob. win the discrimination suit for sure. But they still wouldn't have any legal requirement to serve me so it would be a Pyrrhic victory at best!
That's not strictly true. You might get an injunction from the court forcing them to serve you. But to be honest I think the bad press from the case would probably make them feel presured to serve you with out an injunction. Also I should point out these cases are usually handeled in small claims court, which is cheeper and faster.