How do you get people to let you join in if you're ugly and Asperger's?

Dear Anyone.

Was born with Asperger's, Cerebral Palsy, Hydrocephalus and Dyspraxia.  They all come out in my face, making of me an ugly bar steward! Thing IS - that seems to be some sort of lifelong crime - punishment, complete ostracism coupled with loads of beatings up and robberies!

Keeping this succint, because it's the same cycle repeating itself (but I don't know how to break it, which is how come I'm writing this!) I try to join in somewhere, get told I'm too ugly/too stupid, either get physically bashed up (had all my teeth kicked out, head caved in, boiling water chucked over me giving me permanent leg ulcers, stab wounds....) or just ignored by all the others and whenever there's anything communal going on, I'm not included, believe! I started off my life in London, would go to school and get bashed up, come home and get smacked up by Dad for being stupid enough to get beaten up at school, go out to try to play with the other kids and get taunted and smacked up by them.  As  the years went on, the cops moved me to different flats, all of which got burgled empty and I got smacked up.  A Lot!

So they moved me down to Hastings where I spent  20 years being the Town Monster.  All my flats burgled empty, me bashed up loads, banned from everywhere because it was easier banning me than the others who were having a go at me - if I wasn't there, the others couldn't have goes at me, could they, so the logic went.  Went to disability colleges, got all my quals. despite everyone saying I wouldn't get any, wasn't allowed to join in with any of the extracurricular activities, the others wouldn't let me.  I remember the final passing out party.  I went into the room where it was being held, found a table with an empty chair, smiled at the others 'Is that chair taken?'  They said 'no', so I sat6 down.  Silence.  Then the BIG autistic guy opposite stood up and shoved his face in mine.  'You got the chair.  F off with it!'  And all the others laughed.  You'd've thought other disabled people would be more accepting - but nope.  They're not.  They're just as bad as neurotypicals.  Trust me.  (They even made a documentary about me - Tormented Lives.  It's on YouTube.  Nope, I'm not asking anyone to watch it, just saying it for proof.)

Thing IS - I'm 55 now.  How many other 55 year olds do you know who've never socialised despite trying to loads and loads, been kicked out of groups FOR disabled people and never understood why (the last one was a Brighton group for Asperger's - I went 3 times, on the 4th time the neurotypical lady who ran it said 'I can't have you here infecting the others any more' and gave me the bum's rush.  Nope, I don't know what she meant by that but I'm not going back to find out!) I've never had friends, never been part of any groups, I've spent my whole life in solitary confinement watching it all and longing to be part of it. .

I've volunteered for many, many things, everything I can find or think of BUT - you neurotypicals do NOT want us disableds around, do you.  When was the last time you saw a disabled person volunteering for a disability charity?  Nope - me neither.  I've volunteered for every charity, every charity shop I can find and been turned down for the lot.  In London, Hastings and Brighton.  Was put in a Group Home at one point where there were loads of activities - which I wasn't allowed to join in with because they couldn't get funding for me.  So I had to sit and watch the others for 4 years till the place got closed down and I was moved to Brighton.  Tried Possability People in Brighton, never gotten them to let me join in anything. Am banned from a large amount of places here because other people complain about having to look at me.  Ended up banned from just about the whole of Hastings - it was silly! My parents and sister moved from the house to a big ground floor flat and didn't even tell me, I didn't know where they were for a year till I happened to see my sister going into a place.  She'd spent about 2 years living in the flat above mine and never come in to say 'Howdy' once.  She's got a fiance now and is incredibly reluctant to let me go see them, she'll talk to me on the phone but won't let me visit. 

And yet I don't want to go my entire life not being allowed to join in with humanity just because I'm an ugly sod.  Literally, everything that's happened to the Elephant Man's happened to me.  That's my movie.  Except he could leave this world by just laying down and going to sleep.  I envied him that greatly at the end of the film, wish I could. 

Surely there's SOME way to say 'Yes. OK. I'm ugly. Live with it. I have to. Can't you look at me as a PERSON and not just a monster cos I don't look the same as you?'  Thing IS - that's where the Asperger's gets in the way, bigtime.  Other people have had a lifetime of experiences WITH other people so they know how to socialise and fit in.  I don't.  All I've known is being booted out of places.  Now think of Mowgli - if he hadn't had a Raksha, he'd never have fitted in with the wolves.  She taught him how to. 

Is  there a Raksha-equivalent to teach me how to fit in and get people past the ugliness? I'd love to be helping out and be part of groups but everyone's so scared of my ugliness, I dunno how to get to do it.  And as far as general conversation and things goes - imagine you're in China.  Everyone's smiling at you nicely - but they're speaking Chinese and you can only speak English.  That's what it feels like.  I can't follow soap operas because I've got no idea WHY anything's happening, it all seems so illogical. 

Please, can anyone here help me learn how to integrate without being terrified all the time? I've had enough of the fear, I just wanna join in with Life.

Yours hopefully

Chris.