Struggles with dependence, independence and the dubious quest for companionship

Hi everyone! Thank you to many members of the community here for making me feel welcome and confident enough to write this. I have no idea how to structure this post, meaning that I'll just be writing words as they come, so please forgive me if this ends up being confusing or if I make myself unclear. Do keep in mind that I might mention things that one may or may not find upsetting, but I will endeavour to keep everything appropriate and light on anything triggering. If anyone has any kind of question, advice or otherwise just wants to say anything, I'll be happy to respond and continue the discussion in replies. 

So I believe that I should give some history first: As a child I never really made friends on my own, but thankfully my mother would arrange playdates and nudge me towards making friends with the children of childminders while she worked. This allowed me to make some friends (the highest amount that I've ever had in all my life in fact) and for the most part I was a pretty happy individual from early age up to around 9, despite some rather bad and traumatic experiences happening during this time. Later on my family moved to Spain and, of course, took me with them. Spain was frankly a hellhole and a really dark time in my life as I spent 7 years in almost total isolation in a villa so far off the beaten track that we used dirt roads to navigate with no public lighting or road signs, with the little social  interaction available mostly being in the form of bullying at school for being British, different, chubby, etc.. When my family returned to the UK, I soon got into contact with a friend I had made in childhood and rather quickly we got into a romantic relationship. The relationship lasted for 5 years, starting in September of 2017 and ending on Halloween of 2020, during which time we both struggled a lot with our mental health due to a myriad of issues ranging from PTSD and trauma to general anxiety and depression. I grew to rely on my now ex girlfriend for emotional wellbeing and support, often growing desperate and paranoid that she'd leave me whenever I struggled around her with my autism. 

Now being alone in both the literal sense of rarely having people around me to interact with aside from my mother, and the figurative sense in that I have nobody to share those intimate thoughts, fears and feelings with, I struggle immensely with my day-to-day. My motivation to do pretty much anything has plummeted to the point of stagnation, my self esteem (which was always shaky) has gone into the negatives as I get angry at and constantly punish myself for being unable to just "be normal" or even just functional enough to move on with my life, and I grow more and more desperate for just any form of intimacy ranging from emotional to sexual (which also makes it hard to cope with my hypersexuality).

When talking to people about this whole situation, I've been told a range of different things and been given many different forms of advice. Many people say that I need to be independent and find happiness within myself instead of looking for it from others, which is a concept that I simply do not understand, as I've always drawn my happiness from others (a trend that only increased in Spain when I relied on my love for my mother and sister to get me through those dark times). Some people say that, so long as I struggle with mental health, I'm not ready for a relationship. A few people I've talked to believe that I should find happiness where I can and encourage me to look for and have faith in finding a partner, even saying that it could help me find the motivation to greatly improve my life (which is a view that I myself hold). 

All the conflicting advice, my desperation to find intimacy and companionship, my lack of emotional independence (and indeed independence in general) and my history of traumas and mental health issues has left me in a position where I feel totally lost and unable to think rationally or logically. I know for a fact I made my ex happy during those 5 years and even managed to help her through her own PTSD struggles and was a part of her journey from a fragile and timid individual to a confident young woman who is now very successful in both her career and her life. I know that in spite of my flaws and many, many issues, I am more than capable of giving love and putting others' needs before my own (which is something that people get concerned about and worry that I would become abusive or something). This internal conflict is practically all-consuming and I'm often afraid of approaching others and trying to make friends because of it. I worry about getting clingy or saying something that might make others uncomfortable due to both my desperation and also a lack of social development outside of my previous relationship.

Thank you so much if you've read this far. I hope that I haven't rambled too much or bored you, and that I've remained at least semi-coherent. I wonder if there's anyone else who has similar struggles here, as these issues aren't necessarily just due to autism but I feel a mix of autism, anxiety and a bunch of traumas and situations that I've had throughout my life. Please let me know what you think, and feel free to share opinions, give advice or otherwise share your thoughts on this. 

I hope you have a great day or night!