Received diagnosis

Hi everyone,

At the age of 41 I received a diagnosis of level 1 autism yesterday. I initially felt relief in a way, as I have struggled all of my life and feel like I was always searching for answers as to why I am different to most. Social situations have always been impossible - to a point where I had walked out of a friends wedding in the past due to the overwhelming sensory issues with sounds (one of hundreds of occasions this happened for me). In the past I have managed to black out those feelings through alcohol but since I quit drinking my senses really heightened and became unbearable so I therefore retreat back into my safe place and simply avoid any social setting. 

I endured many years of emotional and verbal abuse growing up so I suffer a lot of childhood trauma - My father would call me retarded and weird. My parents always referred to me as a problem child. I guess the reality is they didn't realise I was autistic but I can't help but feel hatred towards them for not trying to get me help instead of ridiculing me for being different and a problem. I cut my ties with them over 7 years ago - Part of me feels like I should contact them to tell them of my diagnosis but for me I think they lost the right to know anything else about me now.

I had the realisation that I may have autism when studying towards a psychology degree of all places. The number of traits I identified with was scary, so I researched obsessively, as I am sure a lot of people with autism do anyway!  My GP was as good as useless in offering support, so I paid to have a private ASD assessment and my diagnosis was confirmed.

Aside from the initial relief I really struggle to identify my emotions. Like I feel like I should have cried when given the news as this answers so many of my lifelong questions, but my brains always felt like it cannot trigger to right emotion at the right time. So these tears will likely come at the most random of times and places - Is this quite normal with autism?

Sorry for the long first post, but I guess I feel quite alone right now and would like to connect with others in a similar place to me. I am now wanting to try and move forward and learn to manage my autism so I can try to live a life where I can be at acceptance with who I am and not struggle so much. I don't want this to define me but I also know work needs to be done so make those unbearable situations a little more manageable. 

Are there such things as support groups where adults with autism come together and chat? I am based in Kent, so unsure if there are any groups nearby. As awful as the social aspect of a support group would be, I just feel like chatting with others like minded will help normalise the way I have felt all of my life.

Would welcome any recommendations and ideas to help me.

Many thanks.