Speaking in front of a group of people

I used to think I read people but after diagnosis I started to see how I didn’t.  I guess that uncertainty is offputting but maybe it’s vaguely comforting.  There is far more success in people appreciating my best efforts than can possibly get expressed  face-skin and associated signal points. 

I had to give talks at seminars and conferences from time to time and always found it very challenging. I discovered that moving around helped me a lot. Being stuck in one position, especially at a podium, gave me the rabbit caught in the headlights effect. I would become increasingly nervous and my voice would wobble. Moving around, pacing back and forth as I talked and pointed at my, very copious visuals (also helped detract attention from myself), helped a lot, I would be much less nervous and more relaxed in my speaking voice.

Hello. You are not alone in feeling this way for sure. I don’t converse in groups anymore, but when I did it was absolute hell and I was anxious and terrified, not knowing what to say to anybody. My best strategy was putting on a voice and pretending to be bunged up, giving the illusion I had a cold, and this seemed to work. People didn’t expect me to talk and nobody got too close, afraid of catching the cold. I used this primarily whenever I had to do group chats at college. It worked like a charm every single time.

Something for you to consider doing in the future perhaps?

Nowadays I am mute. I never talk anymore, to anybody. It started out as a sore throat, continuous belching and acid reflux – all caused by anxiety, especially triggered when in a social setting or when I was outside my comfort zone so I gave up talking completely and this has meant a better and less painful life for me. And because most who know me know I am mute, very few converse with me now which suits me perfectly.

My sibling had to do a proper big speech once, she's quite an outgoing person but it was really causing her some bother. Her boyfriend just suggested she have a few drinks before going on! He's older than us, but it made sense. He said if it helps get the job done, then that's what does it.

Obviously, this isn't applicable for every situation. And I'm not condoning drinking on the job. 

That's true, a rare instance of almost universal experience.

Thank you for the research. Public speaking is definitely an attack! Ha. Maybe if it's on zoom I just need to have a plushie under my desk or something and if it's in person I'll just have to hope I don't get eaten.

To be fair, I think very few people enjoy public speaking in any capacity. Some extroverts maybe, like Tony Robbins. Motivational speakers like him get off on it.

But I know plenty of non-autistic people who've had to do a speech every now and then and it causes their brains to meltdown haha. 

I did a brief bit of research and found this explanation:

"Our brains have transferred that ancient fear of being watched onto public speaking. In other words, public-speaking anxiety is in our DNA. We experience public speaking as an attack. We physiologically register an audience as a threatening predator and mount a comparable response."

There we go there, we can blame woolly mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers for this.

This almost feels like the opposite of having sensory issues though, which is why it's so weird - I genuinely can't understand what's happening to my body and brain. I'm so locked inside myself in the moment of speaking that the room could catch on fire and I probably wouldn't notice.

Maybe it's the sheer panic making me temporarily shut down? idk.

Thank you. Yes, it always feels like so many people looking at me and it doesn't matter that I try to tell myself they're not paying as much attention as I think they are, because it feels like they're looking into my very soul.

This is just my worst nightmare, to be honest. Any sort of speaking in front of people causes me severe anxiety and sensory issues. Thankfully, I rarely have to do it. Avoidance is my tactic. 

I do this too and it's a slightly different zone out to what happens when I'm having to speak, but maybe for similar reasons. Maybe there's just too much happening and it's an overload of information.

Yes, I am much better with PowerPoint if it's a formal situation and I script every word so I don't go off topic, which I know people don't like and don't recommend, but if I freestyled I'd never get a word out or be understandable as I just can't organise my thoughts on the spot.

The waffling is, I think, a result of having so much detail on a topic - I start with the detail and sometimes someone cuts me off before I get to the main point.

So my two modes are say everything and bore people or say virtually, but that seems to be unacceptable too.

When I was working sometimes there would be meetings where we would discuss the case in question and I had to do talking, explanations etc etc.. There was only ever several people present but it always felt like more, a lot more! I usually said only a few things, as little as possible worked best and then would hand the conversation to someone else which worked well.

Yes. When I’m in group meetings I can only focus for 20-30 minutes after that I repeatedly zone out. Then I miss people directing a question to me.

I get this sometimes in work, when asked to present something to colleagues. Even though I know the topic inside out, I feel I just "waffle". I would prefer to put my ideas into a PowerPoint so I had something to deflect to, but I have not asked for this.