Where is your life heading?

I feel like I give up on my hopes and dreams as well. But yesterday I was thinking about it. Everything in life, or most of it anyways, is fearing what would happen, fearing the hard work and responsibility of what would happen if I actually made my dreams a reality, and dreams are usually the best version of something, whereas reality is another beast entirely. 

But I feel like if I'm not doing things for my dreams, then I feel like I'm just procrastinating in life, just wasting time, and to die without fulfilling dreams, just makes everything seem meaningless in life.

Maybe I just have a pessimistic mindset when it comes to making dreams come true. I can see what failure would look like, but even success looks like failure to me, because someone's always going to be displeased at my success. I know it's an awful way of looking at it.

I mean on paper, if I just list out all of my successes and achievements it sounds great, everyone's successes would sound great on paper, but the social reprocussions from achieving such success, such as slander, harrassment, and bullying, from jealous people who target you because they think you don't deserve it, or they think you're just trying to be better than them, so they try to ruin you, that's what I don't want. And when they win, they use it as a reason to continue to put you down and bully you. I wonder if I was just dealing with toxic people too much of the time in the past. I think that if I aim to make my dreams a reality, I'll come across more instances of toxic people, or maybe it'll just bring out the toxicity in me, and I don't want to be toxic to anyone.  

But I guess in order to make your dreams a reality, you have to not care about other people, and pursue your goals anyways. I mean reality is a place where everyone can achieve their goals and dreams in life. But maybe you need to be okay with the possibility that it'll make other people unhappy about themselves in order to do it. But I think after you've achieved your success, you can help other people achieve success and make their dreams come true as well.

And if I just let life slide into the meaningless side, I'll just feel depressed and isolated and have mental health issues. Keeping my mind on my dreams, creates a reason to keep on living life, and to keep improving myself. Ultimately I want to die having made some kind of difference in the world. I don't know if that's a reasonable goal,  but that's what I've always wanted. 

I feel like I give up on my hopes and dreams as well. But yesterday I was thinking about it. Everything in life, or most of it anyways, is fearing what would happen, fearing the hard work and responsibility of what would happen if I actually made my dreams a reality, and dreams are usually the best version of something, whereas reality is another beast entirely. 

But I feel like if I'm not doing things for my dreams, then I feel like I'm just procrastinating in life, just wasting time, and to die without fulfilling dreams, just makes everything seem meaningless in life.

Maybe I just have a pessimistic mindset when it comes to making dreams come true. I can see what failure would look like, but even success looks like failure to me, because someone's always going to be displeased at my success. I know it's an awful way of looking at it.

I mean on paper, if I just list out all of my successes and achievements it sounds great, everyone's successes would sound great on paper, but the social reprocussions from achieving such success, such as slander, harrassment, and bullying, from jealous people who target you because they think you don't deserve it, or they think you're just trying to be better than them, so they try to ruin you, that's what I don't want. And when they win, they use it as a reason to continue to put you down and bully you. I wonder if I was just dealing with toxic people too much of the time in the past. I think that if I aim to make my dreams a reality, I'll come across more instances of toxic people, or maybe it'll just bring out the toxicity in me, and I don't want to be toxic to anyone.  

But I guess in order to make your dreams a reality, you have to not care about other people, and pursue your goals anyways. I mean reality is a place where everyone can achieve their goals and dreams in life. But maybe you need to be okay with the possibility that it'll make other people unhappy about themselves in order to do it. But I think after you've achieved your success, you can help other people achieve success and make their dreams come true as well.

And if I just let life slide into the meaningless side, I'll just feel depressed and isolated and have mental health issues. Keeping my mind on my dreams, creates a reason to keep on living life, and to keep improving myself. Ultimately I want to die having made some kind of difference in the world. I don't know if that's a reasonable goal,  but that's what I've always wanted.