Published on 12, July, 2020
...ADHD and PMDD.
My girlfriend and I have had a mostly amazing start to our relationship, albeit with a few meltdowns and shutdowns along the way. As an NT person, I'm trying to understand as much as possible, but there are times where I feel completely useless (right now as I type this) because I don't know how to handle the situation properly or know the right things to say. Particularly when my GF tells me she's depressed and wants to kill herself.
I've been told that I'm not listening but I'm trying to. I don't feel like I have the tools to know what I have to do.
I know I can't ask someone to give me answers as that would be impossible, but I was hoping someone might be able to point me in the direction of where I can find information on the tools I need to deal with the tough situations. I want to be the man my GF needs me to be - I don't want to let her down.
Any help would be much appreciated!
Thank you.
My very personal first hand experience I would say.
NT or ND, it doesn't matter. One must first raise the alarm, loud and wide, to your partner's therapist, other close friends and loved ones, some one else in a position to help the afflicted partner.I f you love them you will cry out for help.
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This is not your bailiwick. The sooner you admit that to your self the sooner you can find your partner the actual help they need. There will be history you need to know to decide to stay or go but staying never ends well, NEVER.
If your partner is telling you they want to kill themselves they often want YOU to be the reason they do not. They are making you responsible for their very existence.That is a hostage situation, not a fair burden to place on anyone. It is time to leave, or become hostage to the situation.
This may sound harsh but the feeling of others cannot hold our own hostage. It is unhealthy, indeed fatal sometimes, for all involved.
A big part of the problem is that the help isn't there to help her! The so called professional organisations have been a complete let down.
And while I'm grateful for your reply, I'm not giving up. I would rather stick at it than give up - that's not who I am.
You can still, even if you don't leave, call out for help to others who know your partner and research various avenues for professional help available to them. The important thing is to not become isolated your self. Find a therapist for yourself to guide you through this choppy sea if you decide to stay so you have someone else to talk to about this besides your partner. talking just to your partner will set up a negative feedback loop.
I wish you all the strength you can muster! I have been where you are and it can suck you in.
Here is some good info to arm you in your journey
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/when-my-partner-threatens-suicide/
here is a book that is invaluable!
https://www.amazon.com/Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-Recognizing-Psychological/dp/099862134X
Good hunting.
I hope they shed some light on the situation for you. and that thye help you find the help you need.