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My new girlfriend has Austism and...

NAS90435
9 months ago

...ADHD and PMDD.

My girlfriend and I have had a mostly amazing start to our relationship, albeit with a few meltdowns and shutdowns along the way.  As an NT person, I'm trying to understand as much as possible, but there are times where I feel completely useless (right now as I type this) because I don't know how to handle the situation properly or know the right things to say. Particularly when my GF tells me she's depressed and wants to kill herself.

I've been told that I'm not listening but I'm trying to. I don't feel like I have the tools to know what I have to do.

I know I can't ask someone to give me answers as that would be impossible, but I was hoping someone might be able to point me in the direction of where I can find information on the tools I need to deal with the tough situations.  I want to be the man my GF needs me to be - I don't want to let her down.

Any help would be much appreciated!

Thank you. 

Parents
  • 9 months ago

    Maybe ask her how she wants you to respond and what would be most helpful to her? 
    Sometimes people just want to rant and vent and don’t want answers, suggestions or advice. I think it is always important to establish what she wants from you and how she thinks you can help her. Everyone is different and her needs are going to change massively depending on the situation. Eg. If I’m upset sometimes I want close physical contact, sometimes that would make it worse, sometimes I want advice, sometimes I sometimes i just want to be heard. 

  • 9 months ago in reply to Sloan

    I have asked her to be honest and when she's in a calm mood we have fantastic conversations where we can really open up and help formulate things.

    However there is so much information that I am forgetting some of it and I don't want to keep asking her because in my head it will seem I'm not learning anything.

Reply
  • 9 months ago in reply to Sloan

    I have asked her to be honest and when she's in a calm mood we have fantastic conversations where we can really open up and help formulate things.

    However there is so much information that I am forgetting some of it and I don't want to keep asking her because in my head it will seem I'm not learning anything.

Children